Songs to slit your wrists to
by Nonny21
Summary: singing sensation Phina Taylor has a deep dark secret that she has kept hidden for twelve years. taking a well earned vacation to her family's home in Washington turns out to be a mistake. She is now forced to face her past and drag all the skeletons out of her closet if she wants to find love in the arms of the very man around whom all her secrets revolve... Theodore Grey!
1. Chapter 1

**I want to thank you for taking the time to read my story, pleas feel free to leave a review or send me a message.**

** ~Nonny**

** Theodore Raymond Grey **stands in the middle of his parents entry way, hands tucked behind his back, face impassively set. His mother had asked him to come spend the week as a sort of vacation. She claims she has a wounder surprise for him and his sisters. The girls, Ella and Phoebe, were standing together gossiping about this and that; aside from making sure they were safe Ted didn't care what they did.

"I wounder when she'll be here." Ella says a voice little louder than the whispers of her older sister.

"When whom will be here?" He turned his attention from his inner monolog to his sisters. The girls grin at him with their cheeky little smiles and bat their eyes, feigning innocents.

"What was that big brother?" Phoebe asked with a voice so sweet it could give him cavities.

"What exactly are we here for?" Ted demands turning from his sisters to press his father's head of security, Taylor, for information. The infuriating man just shrugs. Ted runs a had through his disheveled hair, the same exact color of his father's. He looks like the perfect mix of his handsome father and beautiful mother.

"Baby boy, you came!" His mother, Anastasia Grey, greets him. She pulls her son into a hug and pats his unruly hair. "I'm so happy to see you. When I didn't hear back from you I wasn't sure you'd come." Ted is reluctant to pull out of her embrace, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

"Hello mother." He says warmly and returns her espouse.

"Good to see you son." Christian Grey, his father, says with a clap on his shoulder.

"Father." Ted nods to his old man. There had been a time when to two men would have exchanged hugs as well, but not lately. Not since...

"When will she be here?" Ella interrupts the awkward silence that spreads out between father and son. The girls each greet their father with kisses and smiles, they could never do anything wrong in their fathers eyes.

"Soon baby, don't be so impatient." Ana smiles warmly at her youngest child. She and Christian had wanted to have lots of children, to fill their giant house with the sounds laughter, music, playing, and the pitter-patter of little feet. But all three of Ana's pregnancy's had come with unforeseen complications, each worse than the one before. After Ana almost died giving birth to Ella Christian had refused to give her any more children.

Ana had begged and pleaded with him, swearing that she would consent to the elective c-section with any other children they might have, instead of trying to push them out herself. Her husband, loves her more than he had ever, or would ever, loved any one else. He refused to risk losing her. With out her knowledge or permission he had gone to the doctors and had a vasectomy.

This had been the cause of the first real fight between them since Ted's birth. Poor frightened five year old Ted had run to his mother's side, puffed up his little chest, and demanded that daddy not hurt mommy. Christian had stilled immediately and stared down at his son in wounder. _The boy thought he'd hit his wife out of anger? _Kneeling down he had taken his only son into his arms and given his solemn vow to never raise a hand to Ana in anger.

"Oh, she's here!" Phoebe exclaims, clapping her hands together the way she did when she was excited. Taylor opens to door in time for them to see a long black limo pulling up in front of the house. The family ascends the stairs to greet their guest, whom every one knew was coming with the exception of Ted.

The driver opens the door and ted holds his breath. Usually when his mother refused to tell him when she was inviting a girl to dinner it was because she was trying to set him up. On long thin leg, clad in flared black jeans that ended in a pair of high-heeled black pumps comes into view followed by a second. _Long black legs like a spider,_ Ted thinks, _If any more legs emerge I'm running for it._

Taylor steppes forward to offer his hand. A dainty, manicured, female hand is placed gently into his and the most stunningly beautiful woman Ted has ever laid eyes on steps out of the car. She is tall and slender, clad completely in black. A cascade of dark ringlets tumbles down her back in sexy waves. She smiles at Taylor and her deep brown eyes, the color of a perfectly brewed black coffee, move to inspect the waiting crowed.

A crowed it truly is, all of the household staff, including Mrs. Taylor (formerly Mrs. Jones) have come out to see what is causing such a commotion. Ted spies the housekeeper out of the corner of his eye and starts. He turned from the beauty before him to the women who helped raise him, tears are shimmering in her brown eyes, eyes the same color as the woman who is now hugging Taylor. His head snaps back around when her soft, sexy, ultra feminine voice exclaims, "Daddy, I missed you!"

Mrs. Taylor lurches forward and she and Jason hold their daughter between them. Ted watches in disbelief as Sophie, Taylor's daughter from his first marriage follows her younger sister out of the car and into their parents embrace. Ted's head is spinning! This goddess of a woman standing before him can't possibly be the scrawny little girl who followed him around for most of his childhood like a little lost puppy! This cant be...

"Saraphina!" Ella squeals with delight when she finally steps back from her parent's embrace. It really is Phina the brat! Her perfect face is smeared with running mascara as tears of joy drip down her cheeks.

"Ella!" The two girls embrace. They are almost the exact same age and had been the closest of friends. Ted had always preferred Sophie, the eldest of the two sisters, who is still talking to her father and stepmother.

"Phina, darling!" Ana coos, also hugging the brat as if she was something special. Phina had always been nothing but a pain in the butt, with her annoying crush on Ted she had spent most of her time under foot in the Grey's big house rather than at home in the smaller house on the other side of the property. Even Christian, who Phina had been afraid of, gives her a welcoming hug.

"How long are you staying? How was the tour? Are you dating any one rich and famous?" Ella showers questions down on Phina who answers them with enthusiasm. Ted isn't listening to a word any one is saying. He can not believe that the brat has somehow morphed from the thirteen year old girl standing in his driveway waving good bye as he drives off to collage (that was the last time he'd see her) to the stunning creature who is now standing in front of him.

"Hello Teddy." Her voice is low, almost hesitant as she greets him. His mouth opens and closes a few times before her can manage to get any thing out.

"Phina." Is all he can say as he nods his head

"It's nice to see you, your looking well." She tells him, but she isn't smiling at Ted the way she had at every one else. She is polite but reserved, and he knows exactly why; but Ted isn't ready to take that little trip down memory lane.

"You too." He looks her up and down, noting the perfect hour glass shape of her body, with large breast that would fill his hands nicely and wide hips that make him feel hot under the collar.

"Ugg, you two!" Ella exclaims, rolling her eyes. She grabs Phina's arm and steers her towards the open doors of the big house. "Just ignore him. You already know what an ass he is," Ella throws and annoyed glance over her shoulder at her big brother before disappearing inside.

**"Still?" Sophie's voice** sounds from beside him. Ted jumps. He hadn't noticed her standing so close, to busy watching the brat leave with his entire family in tow. "You'd think after all her success and the string of handsome, rich, famous boyfriends she'd have gotten over you. But no, she still has to harass you. It is like you have your own gravitational pull." Ted can practically hear her eyes rolling.

"How have you been Sophie?" He asks, lacing his fingers through hers without a second thought. They had always walked together this way; Best friends standing together against the world.

"If I have to hear one more of her melancholy, depressing songs I think I'll kill myself!" she exaggerates in that overly dramatic way she has.

"She really did it? The brat really became a famous singer?" Ted leads her around the house towards the open field where they used to hide in the long grass to escape their collective little sisters. Sophie heaves a sigh.

"Yeah, I guess she has. Well she is famous amongst those darkly depressed suicidal, self-cutting, emo kids any way."

"Is she that bad?" He remembers hearing her singing her heart out at the school concerts his mother had dragged him to, insisting that he needed to be there for her for 'moral support'. She hadn't been to bad back then. He had thought that since going away to Burklee to major in music, after all of those voice lessons and music classes, she could only have improved.

"no, she's not." Sophie acquiesces. "Her voice is phenomenal, but the songs! She only sings about being sad, depressed, and lonely. I'm not joking, her last album was titled '_Songs to slit your wrist too'_." She gives a little bark of laughter. "The legal team was not to happy with that."

"No I can't imagine they were. Any suicides that happen to be attempted or commuted while listening to her songs would be blamed on her and she could be sued." Ted knows a lot about the law, being a lawyer and all. "She's tempting fate with that one."

"That's what I told her, and do you know what she said? _'Why should I care?' _I'm not kidding you! She doesn't care what happens to her financially, or what they print in the press, as long as she gets to keep singing." Sophie shakes her head. "Enough about the brat, how have you been?"

** Ted sits across** from the brat at the dinner table. Sophie is to his right and Phoebe his left. The two gossiping women lean over him to speak to one another. His attention is on Phina as she speaks animatedly with her their respective mothers. She is all smiles and laughter, hands waving wildly as she explains about a stage malfunction that had caused her to fall from into the audience.

Gale gasps and he hand moves to cover her mouth, Phina chuckles. "I thought I was really in for it, but they caught me. Crowed surfing hadn't been my intention, but it was the most fun I had that entire tour." Her eyes move to Ted, as if she can feel his own gaze burning holes in her lovely face. "I hear you recently won a big case, it was in the news even in Paris." Her eyes flutter and she turn to Christian. "You must be so proud."

all eyes turn to Christian, who is sitting at the head of the table. He'd been deep in conversation with Taylor about Phina's security when all conversation stopped. Hie stormy gray eyes flick from the brat to his son then to his wife. "Of course we are proud of him." Ana smiles at Ted. "We have always been proud of every thing he does." Ted gives his mom a grateful smile, scowls at the brat and unceremoniously leaves the table.


	2. Chapter 2

** The rhythmic squeaking **of the swing lulls Saraphina into a dull since of calm. She had thought her heart would burst with joy when she saw HIM standing there. He'd grown so much, from the beautiful young boy into a tall, powerful, and handsome man. _He had always looked good._ She rests her head against her hand and heaves a sigh. It hadn't been as hard as she thought it would, seeing him for the first time in twelve years.

They had only been children then, and a child's memory can be faulty. She had tricked her self into believing the the fluttering in her chest and the heavy feeling in her belly that she remembered from that time so long ago were just a child's falsification. When she had stepped out of her limo, a woman now and so different than she'd been back then, and her eyes landed on his tall muscular form her heart had stopped.

He isn't the Teddy she remembers, with his bright carefree smiles and the twinkling light of mischief in his pale blue eyes. Had she done that to him? Was it her fault he and Christian were barely civil to one another? She rocks herself gently on the swing and writes yet another sad song in her head.

Elliot had built the play-scape for the children when his oldest daughter had still been a baby. The kids had spent countless hours swinging from the monkey bars, pushing one another on the swings, and hiding from their parents in the fort that stood on the very top. Well, Phina had never been in the fort. Her crippling fear of heights had made her the butt of a lot of jokes.

Ted had thought it the height of hilarity to sneak up behind the unsuspecting girl and give her a push on the swing. Phina would hold so tight to the chains her knuckles would turn white while she begged him to stop, she didn't want to go high. Sophie had giggled at her sisters frantic squealing until her sides hurt and soda poured out her nose. Phina didn't think it was funny. She sighs again and slumps in the swings.

"It isn't good to sit out in the dark at three A.M. and think such heavy thoughts." Her head pops up and she spins the swing. Wrapping the chain, to see Ted standing behind her. Her mouth goes dry and all of her heavy thoughts float away on balloons when she sees the pain and sorrow in his beautiful eyes. "Want a push?"

"No thank you." Her voice is a raspy whisper. What happened to the beautiful voice that enthralls millions of people around the world? Phina can't seem to dig deep and find the strong, brave woman who stands on stages and bares her soul to sold out crowds. With Teddy she is just the brat; a sacred and lonely little girl with a silly crush.

"I promise to play nice. You still afraid of heights?" Phina hesitates before nodding. She has flown around the globe, several times, yet she still cant mange standing on a chair to reach something from the top shelf. Given their past she isn't sure revealing any weaknesses to Ted is a good idea.

He twirls a finger in the air, "Turn around." It isn't a request. Christian Grey is a domineering control freak who expects his every word to be obeyed, it is only natural that his son and heir apparent have that same lord of the manner way about him. She does as instructed, and thought she is expecting it, the feel of his warm palms pressing against her back is a shock. She sucks in a breath and lifts her feet off the ground. "I haven't pushed anyone on a swing in a long time." he says idly.

The swing sways gently, back and forth. He gives her a gentile nudge every few moments and they stay like this for a long time, readjusting to each others company. "I was thinking about how you used to torment me with under doggies." She says finally. He chuckles and it is a warm happy sound that washes over her like a balm to her soul.

"It wasn't all bad. Was it?" Phina shakes her head slowly and plants her feet on the ground, his hands come to rest on he shoulders. Phina's head is down, those dark curls form a curtain around her pretty face.

"I'm so sorry Teddy." She says this so softly he is hardly sure he heard her right. He CAN'T have heard her correctly. This innocent girl who's life he destroyed with his adolescent idiocy could not be apologist to him! Ted grabs the chains and spins the her back around to face him. He falls to his knees before her.

Phina's gaze locks with his, her big brown eyes shining with unshed tears. "It is all my fault. Oh Teddy, I'm so sorry." She buries her face in her hands, but not before he sees one glistening teardrop slid down her cheek. He holds the chain to the swing with one big strong hand and with the other gently pulls her hands away.

"Hay, look at me. It wasn't your fault, none of it was your fault. If any one should be apologizing here it should be me." He releases her hands to run his own through his already disheveled hair. "Shit, I should have manned up and taken responsibility. I shouldn't have let my father say those things to you. None of it should have happened." She shakes her head vehemently, her tears flowing like a river now.

"It was my fault." She tells him adamantly. Ted releases the damn swing and it snaps around, jarring Phina. He is in front of her again in a heartbeat. Pulling her from the swing and into his arms. Phina doesn't resist, she never could resist him. Wrapping her arms around him she buries her face in his neck and lets the huge shuddering sobs rake her body. "Teddy!" She hiccups.

Ted sits on the ground, his back against one of the play-scape's posts, and pulls her into his lap. "Shhh baby, it's OK. It's all gonna be OK." He croons in her ear while rocking her from side to side and stroking her soft hair. Neither one of them wants to say it out loud but each understands what the other is blaming themselves for:

_**"I saw you**__ with her last night." Phina says, sliding out from the shadows in the corner of his room._

_ "how did you get in here brat?" Ted demands even though he knows damn well that she has climbed the garden trellis outside his window; it's the same way he sneaks out of his room to see her sister._

_ "I know you two are having sex." She hisses the s in sex, drawing it out like it is the dirtiest word in the world. In this case it is a very dirty word. _

_ Ted refuses to look the brat in the eye when he says, "You don't know what your talking about. Get out of my room brat." He hopes he sounds calm, cool, and unaffected, because inside he is a mess. It is true that he is sleeping with Sophie. Despite his being only eighteen and her twenty six. They had been doing it since she got back from collage three years ago. _

_ "I was hiding in her closet watching you. I'm going to tell my daddy," She threatens. Ted wants to shout at her that she can do that, both he and Sophie would be in deep shit. "And then I'm going to tell your daddy."_

_ "O.K.! What do you want from me Phina? Money?" He asks desperately._

_ "Nooo." She hakes her head and those Shirley Temple curls bounce around. _

_ Ted takes a deep calming breath ,lets it out, and looks into her dark brown eyes. "What do you want from me Saraphina?" A impish smile spreads slowly across her pretty little face. She looks like the cat that got the canary._

_ "You." She says and the meaning of that one word hangs in the air between them. Ted doesn't want to know where she thinks she is going with this. Phina is only thirteen years old, five years younger than him and the same age as his youngest sister. He won't even consider what she is implying._

_ "Choose something else Phina, I'm not for sale." Phina shrugs and heads for his open window. "Wait, where are you going?"_

_ "To get my daddy." She says matter-of-factly. Ted jumps from his bed where he had been reclining and grabs her by the shoulders._

_ "You can't do this Phina!" He is panicked._

_ "Can and will." She informs him, still grinning like the Cheshire cat. He pulls his hands away __from her and tugs at his hair. She loves watching him do that, and longs to be able to touch his hair herself._

_ "We can't do what your asking for Phina, it's not legal."_

_ "I wont tell if you wont." Where had she heard that? Since when had the innocent little brat he loved to tease and thought of as a little sister become a sexual deviant?_

_ "Sex Phina? You want sex?" He asks just to clairifie things. She nods her head vigorously. "are you a virgin Phina?" He is pretty sure she is but he has to ask. She nods again. "Shit!" He is tugging at his copper locks again. "Sex hurts girls the first time Phina, do you understand that?"_

_ "Not if your gentile and do it rite." She protests._

_ "I don't know what kind of smutty romance novel trash you are reading, but no matter what the man does, it is still going to hurt!" Her face pales a little, she hasn't been expecting that. Ted gives her a little smile, thinking he has got her where he wants her when she throws him for a loop._

_ "Well if it only hurts the first time we are just going to have to do it more than once!"_

**Phina is still **shuddering in his arms, sucking in a little air at a time and trying to get her emotions under control. Twelve years, he had waited twelve long years to drag out into the light their dark past together. Ted wants to curse himself, he could have let her tattle and taken the cost of his and Sophie's actions as their due punishment. As two consenting adults their parents would have been disappointed in them but it would not have hurt them nearly as much as his actions had hurt Phina.

"Oh, baby I'm so sorry." He is crying now as well. How had he let her suffer alone for the past twelve years? How had he managed to suppress his own pain and moved on with his life while she was hurting so much. His mind flashes to that day, when she stood in the driveway, one arm wrapped around herself, the other raised in a little wave as he watched her disappear from is rear view mirror.

"It was all my fault, I was so je-jealous of what you and Sophie had." Phina hiccups. "I wanted you so bad!" It is nearly a wale.

"No baby, none of it was your fault. Don't ever think that again." He admonishes, but gently.

"I blackmailed you like the little brat I am, and I hurt you. Now you and your dad don't talk." He strokes soothing circles across her back and continues to rock her in his arms. She seems so small and fragile, someone to be protected, yet he had abandoned her.

"My father and I disagree on a lot of things Phina, our relationship has always been strained. What is going on between us has nothing to do with you." It is a blatant lie but at this point he'll say anything to get her to stop crying. Phina lifts her head, her now bloodshot eyes boring into his very soul.

"Don't you lie to me Theodore Raymond! I am twenty five years old and I know damn well when some one is trying to force feed me a crock of shit!" Ted ducks his head, feeling shame fill his chest. Somehow she has turned him from a thirty year old man trying to give comfort to a younger woman, to a child who had lied to his mother.

"Yes ma'am." He responds, keeping his face turned down to hide his reluctant smile. He'd take angry Phina over crying Phina any day!


	3. Chapter 3

**Saraphina has pushed **off his lap and is standing in front of him, looking down her straight pert nose, with those dainty hands on her well rounded hips. Ted doubts he'll ever understand the inner workings of the female mind. How can she go from being a mess of tears and emotions in his arms one minuet to spitting mad the next? And how is he supposed to react? He supposes he should act contrite.

"O.K. Phina," He holds his hands out in surrender. "My father and I have not gotten along in twelve years. I have done so much more to piss him off other than that. Even if what I did to you had never happened chances are he and I still wouldn't be getting along today. You know my dad, he is a controlling bastard that like to have his way."

"You think you are any different?" Her eyebrows are raised. He shakes his head as he climbs to his feet.

"No, Phina. I'm not any different from my father, I like control; witch is something I never seem to have when you are around. I damn near thought I was going to have a heart attack when you climbed out of that limo!" There is a hint of a smile in his voice.

"But you weren't happy to see me." She doesn't pose it as a question but Ted understands how fragile her feelings are. He is all to aware that at any moment she could return to crying-her-eyes-out Phina and collapse into a ball at his feet.

He runs his hands through his hair, unaware that he is doing so. His father has the same nervous tick and neither of the Grey men will acknowledge it. "Hell, I don't know Phina. I was frightened that you might take out a cross and start shouting '_back you unholy beast_', or that you would cry. I even considered that you might slap me across the face. It's not like I don't deserve to be beaten." He mutters this last part more to himself but she hears it.

"Oh Teddy..." Phina raises a hand and steps forward. His eyes closes and he turns his cheek, expecting a blow. When she gently runs her fingers down his face in a tender caress his baby blue eyes pop open and gaze at her in wounder and disbelief.

"There you are!" Sophie calls from the back porch. She descends the steps one at a time, looking like a princess in her long silky nighty that flows over her perfect figure. Phina's hand falls away and they turn to greet Sophie. "I have been looking every where for you!" She tells Ted. Her eyes dart between her sister and Ted, taking in Phina's tear streaked face and Ted's disheveled appearance. "Am I interrupting something?"

Ted's "yes" coincides with Phina's succinct "no!" Phina casts a stern glare at Ted before smiling at her sister. "We were just saying good night, it's late and I have to be up early for that interview. Good night Theodore, Good night Sophie." She tosses them a wave over her shoulder and heads towards her parents house.

"Well that wasn't rude at all." Sophie scoffs. Ted doesn't reply. He know exactly why Phina doesn't want to been seen alone with him by any member of either of their families. Only Christian is aware of what happened twelve years ago. The rest of the family believes that he and his father had a huge fight prompting Ted to leave for collage three months early, and that the sudden departure of her long time crush is what turned Phina into the self loathing emo she is today...and that is they way the both want it to stay.

**Sophie sits herself comfortably** on Phina's recently vacated swing. "Push me Teddy!" She flashes him a smile that had her entire face lighting up. "Make me touch the stars." Ted isn't smiling back. He moves behind her and gives her a shove. Sophie's head falls back in delight, she points her feet out in front of her and giggles happily. "I have missed my Teddy." It's a confession he doesn't want to hear.

For the first few month after the disaster he blamed Sophie for what happened. If she had gotten an apartment after collage instead of coming home and seducing him. If she hadn't flaunted their relationship in front of poor, little, jealous Phina. If, if, if. It hadn't taken long for Ted to let those thoughts go. Sophie had nothing to do with what happened, she didn't even know any thing had happened.

"You are awfully quiet tonight, did Phina drag you down with all her woe is me bullshit?" Sophie looks over her shoulder, long straight hair flowing in the wind. "Don't let her get to you Ted."

S_hit,_ how can she read him so well? Ted wanted to tell her to mind her own business, but he doesn't. It isn't Sophie's fault that she doesn't have a prayer of understanding what is happening between himself and her sister. "Don't worry about me, I'm just lost in thought." He tried for a smile. Sophie falls for it, her shoulders relax and she is smiling again.

"It is good to be home." With out warning Sophie launches herself off the swing, landing neatly in the grass. Her lacy nighty isn't rumpled in the least. Holding out a beseeching hand she moved closer to Teddy. "Take me to bed Ted."

**Phina watches from **her bedroom window as Teddy and Sophie make their way into the big house, hand in hand. Men! Part of her wants to break down and cry again. A vindictive part of her wants to march over to his room, burst through the door, and commit double homicide followed by suicide. Instead she pulls her old Casio keyboard from the depths of her childhood closet and begins to play.

She wakes with a start, where is she? Phina is on a tiny twin bed made up with a pink lace comforter. Posters of random famous men are eying her with lewd grins on their handsome faces. Her childhood bedroom, it hasn't changed since her senior year of high school. No, before that; this room hasn't changed since that fateful night Teddy caved in and climbed through her window.

Phina's breathing is shallow as she stairs off into the darkness. She has only been a sleep for an hour or so,but being in this room brings back memories that tare her up inside. She can sill feel his affectionate, gentile, touch that first time. Phina can her his angry voice yelling at her for being stupid, she can see Christian Grey's infuriated scowl. She doesn't want to think about any of this, not the good or the bad, but the memories come unbidden and she cant block them out.

_**"Phina, are you **__awake?" Teddy's voice cuts through the darkness. Phina is sitting up in bed, naked. She has been waiting for this night since she confronted him in his room almost a week ago. Does he think she could fall asleep when he promised her he'd come tonight?_

_ "Yes." Her voice is a squeak, constricted by fear. Her voice coach is always reminding her that fear compresses the vocal chords and destroys your voice. Well she doesn't plan on doing any singing tonight, screaming maybe, moaning definitely. _

_ "Where are you?" He demands after bumping into her keyboard that she forgot to put away._

_ "Over here." She whisperers._

_ "That doesn't help." He sounds frustrated._

_ "I'm on my bed Teddy." Her entire body is shaking, half from fear and have excitement. She has loved Teddy forever, and he was finally going to be hers, even if she did have to force him into it. The edge of the mattress dips under his weigh as he finds his way to her in the pitch black room._

_ "Hi." His voice is soft. His hand lands on her shoulder and moves up until he is cupping her cheek._

_ "Hi." She squeaks back. Phina leans her face into his touch and sighs with contentment. She has wanted him to touch her this way for as long as she can remember. Ted's hand brushes a strand of hair back from her face._

_ "You don't have to do this Phina." He can feel her trembling and knows she is nervous. She is only a baby for Christ's sake! A tiny little virgin who hasn't even developed breasts. He isn't attracted to her in a sexual way, and though he finally caved under her threats to reveal to their entire family his nighttime activities with her older sister, Ted doubts he'll even be able to preform the deed._

_ "If you back out now I will scream." He can hear the anger in her voice. He wouldn't be able to get away in time if she screamed. Her father was only down the hall/ Taylor would find him here and his life would be over._

_ "I'm not backing out baby, but you are scared. This isn't the way you want to lose your virginity Phina. It should be when you are older with a man you are not manipulating." _

_ "I want you Teddy."_

**"Phina honey, are **you up?" Phina pyres her eyes open, the sun is shining through the window, and her mother is at the door.

"I am now." She grumbles.

"Baby, your limo is here and your sister said something about you having an interview with The Seattle Times."

"Shit!" She is out of bed and digging through her bag before her mother is done speaking. She had forgotten all about that stupid reporter. What has prompted her to agree to such an early meeting? Finding what she is looking for Phina pulls the door open and dashes for the bathroom. "Sorry mom, I over slept."

Gale watches her daughter with curiosity, even her PJ's are black. Didn't she used to love color? Moments later Phina is out of the bathroom. She is in another pair of tight fitting black pants that flair at the bottom and a black tank that hugs her curves and shows a hint of her belly. "When did you get your navel pierced?"

she glances down at the diamond sparkling in her bellybutton and blushes. "Oh that? It's nothing. You should see my nipples." she says it without thinking and mentally slaps her hand to her forehead when she realizes who she is speaking to. She did not just tell her mother she had her nipple priced!

To her credit Gale doesn't gasp in horror or start yelling. she simply pats Phina on the arm and says, "I didn't know anyone still wore bell bottoms." she is looking down at Phina's flared pants.

"I don't have time to get into a fashion discussion with you now mom." Phina sounds exasperated. "But they are boot leg cut not bell bottom jeans." She adds before taking the stairs two at a time.

The ride to the interview is uneventful. After spending so much time in tour buses and limos the thrill of it has warn off. Phina fiddles with her phone, checks her face book (the real one) then post some dribble on her public profile about being happy to be home. The in-box for her public persona's profile is filled to capacity, but she isn't worried about it, the record company pays some random person a lot of money to respond to these messages.

In her personal in-box there are two messages, one of witch is attached to a friend request. The first one is from her sister.

Sophie:

I can't believe you were late for your meeting! You were the one who agreed to the interview, if you needed it to be later in the day you should have said so. This is going to look bad.

Phina rolls her eyes heaven ward and prays for strength. Not for the first time she thinks that hiring her sister to be her mangier might have been a mistake. Sure Sophie had gone to school for business managing, and she was nothing if not effective in her job, but she was also controlling, bossy, manipulative, and a little greedy. She acted some times as if it were her public image being tarnished in the tabloids every time Phina's picture is taken in a compromising position.

Saraphina knows her sister means well, and despite all of their disputes (of witch there have been many) they were still sisters and still loved one another. She types a quick response.

Phina:

I hadn't planned on staying up all night, but the song I started yesterday couldn't be put aside. I will play up the creative juices flowing and my musical genius causing insomnia to this reporter and every thing will be fine. Besides no one expects me to be on time...EVER!

It is not a lie. Phina is infamous for her perpetual tardiness. Whenever her attendance to a particular awards show or charity event is discussed in the media it is not because she has shown up in yet another black dress, or that it flatters her figure and makes her already pale skin glow. No, it is because she is late yet again.

Her finger hovers over the touch screen of her late model smart phone. She hates that the label gives her a different phone whenever a new model is revealed. It is so tedious, learning the functions of each one. All she wants it for is texting, the few phone calls she makes, facebook, and maybe playing angry birds when no one is looking.

Phina doesn't want to know why Teddy is suddenly frending her on facebook, or what he has to say about sleeping with Sophie last night. It hurt to know that they could share such an intimate moment. Take such a large step towards forgiving themselves and each other; only to watch him walk away with Sophie.

Theodore:

It's not what you think.


	4. Chapter 4

**He hadn't known **what else to do. He didn't have her number, and she had left before he and Sophie even rolled out of his bed. So Teddy did the stupid teenage thing and found her on face book. He'd had to ask Sophie what name she used for her personal account after she informed him that Phina's public account was kept up by a tech team at the record company. He waited all day for a reply, but none came.

She returned from her interview, had lunch with her mother, and promptly left again. The only thing he could do at this point would be to ask everyone if she had seen Phina, or knew where she had gone; but that would cause to many questions. He didn't pay any attention to the simpering Sophie who had tried to talk him into taking her on a picnic. He hadn't looked at the case files he had brought with him to go over. Teddy had spent the entire day watching out windows for Phina's return.

He wonders if this is how his father feels all the time. He knows that Christian is unconditionally and irrevocably in love with his wife and that he worries constantly. _ Does dad get this same tight feeling in his chest whenever he is away from mom? _Ted is sitting at the breakfast bar in the kitchen, staring intently at his computer. He has headphones on and is hunched over, he looks like a teenager again.

"What ya doing?" Ella sidles up to him and looks over his shoulder before he can snap the laptop closed.

"It's none of your business, you little blood hound." She shrugs but doesn't argue with him. She had always been nosy about what her big brother was doing. She had thought he hung the stars in the sky and wanted to be with him all the time, almost as annoying as the brat.

"If you want to see her music videos they are all on her website." she gives him a guileless smile. Damn, she read the title bar in his search engine.

"Really?" He's not even the least bit mad that she snooped. She would know better than any one how to find information pertaining to Phina. He opens the computer back up, "Show me, please." The pleas is almost an after thought, but she doesn't comment. With a few quick keystrokes and a click of the mouse there is a list of song titles up on the screen next to tiny little windows with pictures of Phina. "See?" She demands with a triumphant smile on her pretty face. Ella looks like a feminine version of their father, with his gray eyes, copper hair, and tall build.

"Are these really the names of her songs? 'Wasting away inside', 'Vampire's bite', 'Imagining you love me'?" He is looking at her with disbelieving awe.

Ella nods. "She caters to a specific crowd, namely emo kids who cut themselves while listening to commiserating artist who are all 'woe is me'." She flashes him a grimace. "Click that one." She points to a song titled 'The color gray'.

Ted unplugs his headphones and clicks on the requested song. A piano's sweet high notes tinkle in the background of a quartet of slow haunting strings. The camera looks down on Phina standing in the middle of what looks like a field of wild flowers, it moves slowly down to be even with her face and circles, revealing that the meadow is enclosed inside a tall gray stone wall with no door.

Phina's stunning voice overpowers the instruments, she sings about gray clouds over her gray walled prison. Slowly the color of the flowers around her fades and they turn from vibrant to dull sepia. Phina sings about gray sucking all the color from her world until there is noting left for her but gray. The colors dull more and every thing in the frame, with the exception of the singer herself is gray. By the time the music stops Phina too has turned gray. The camera has moved back up and looks down on Phina as the gray walls move in until they consume her.

"Well that was..." He searches for the rite word to use.

"Bleak?" Ella suggest. He nods. "Leaves you with a dull aching feeling doesn't it?" All he can do is nod again. He can't understand how Ella hasn't guessed yet that this song is about him. Sophie must know, but she hadn't said anything. Then again they hadn't really done much talking last night. They hadn't been doing what Phina thought either.

"Wanna watch another one?" Ted jumped, he'd been so lost in his mixed up thoughts of the two beautiful sisters that he'd forgotten his own sister was standing behind him. Ted clicked on the next song. It was just as sad and depressing, but beautifully written and Phina's voice was incomparably amazing. He'd never heard anything like it. "She is good huh?" Good didn't begin to cover it.

"Unbelievable." Ted chokes out. Ella is grinning from ear to ear. "What?"

"You like her, don't you?" It is more of an accusation than a question.

"Of course I like the brat, she has been like a little sister to me." Ella is shaking her head, that smile still plastered on her face.

"You don't look at me that way, if you did I'd be all sorts of creeped out. You like her like her."

"What is this, first grade? How old are you that you still use 'like her like her' as a way of expressing admiration in the opposite sex."

"Oh, breaking out the big words now are you?" She is laughing at him. "admit it, you really do like Phina." She nudges him with her elbow.

"Yes, I do."

**The pumping beat **blasting from the club's large speakers has the sea of body's occupying the dance floor moving and swaying to the beat. Phina watches with disinterest, her old friends (or what passed for friends) were out in that crowd rubbing against each other and strangers. She'd never really felt the inclination to join them. She hadn't spent much time with her so called friends in the past twelve years.

She had avoided coming home as much as possible, and when it inevitably came time for her to return, lest the family become suspicious, she'd made sure Ted wasn't going to be here. How had she over looked it this time? She blamed her lack of foresight on the fatigue the record company and Sophie claimed she had after a year and a half on the road.

Seeing him standing there had been a shock. Feeling his arms wrap around her while she cried and then watching him do what he'd always done, leave her to be with Sophie, had hurt more than she thought she could hurt any more. She had shut her heart down thirteen years ago, refusing to care for any one more than absolutely necessary.

The adoration of her millions of fans served a a sort of replacement family. She gave them every thing she had in her songs. She gave up her money too, much to Sophie's horror. While Sophie basks in the glow of her sisters fame and enjoys the wealth she earns being her mangier, Phina anonymously donates the majority of her earnings to several charities. Keeping only what she needed to lead a comfortable life.

"Phina, come dance with us!" One of the girls is waving towards her like a mad woman. She shakes her head and holds up her drink. It isn't the frozen concoction of fruit and alcohol she usually sips but a gin and tonic. Her third to be exact. She's already indulged in two cosmos and a shot of bourbon.

**Saraphina trudges up **the stairs, careful to miss the squeaky step at the top. After hitting decline on Ted's friend request she had given her interview, eaten lunch with her mother as planed, and gone back out. She didn't want to see him, didn't want to eat dinner with the family and watch Sophie make goo-goo eyes at him across the table. She'd called some old friends and informed them she was in town. It was only natural that they insist she join them for drinks.

Her bedroom door opens with a 'creek' that has her cringing. Neither of her straitlaced parents had ever been happy with her party hard lifestyle, but that was the life of a rock star. Honestly she doesn't like the lifestyle either. Phina puts on a good show, joining her band mates at the after parties with a fake smile on lips. Sitting in the V.I.P. lounges and sipping fruity girly drinks, pretending to be the rock n' roll party girl.

Tonight had been different, she'd wanted to drink till her mind was numb and she couldn't remember any thing about HIM. Till his beautiful image was blurry in her mind and she couldn't recall her own name never mind his. She had succeeded. "Shit!" She exclaims as she bumps into her dresser, the perfume bottles rattle as they clank together and her hairbrush lands on the floor with a 'thud'. "Shh!" She hisses at her self and gives an inebriated giggle.

A hand claps over her mouth and a strong arm wraps around her waist lifting her off her feet. Whoever is holding her kicks the door closed. Phina knows she should she scared. She should be wetting her pants! But she can't work up enough braincells to form a coherent thought. The hard chest pressed behind her is flat and warm, the man holding her smells good. She gives an inappropriate moan of pleasure, her attacker smells like Teddy.

"Do you want to wake the entire house?" A deep male voice whispers in her ear. She tries to shake her head but his hand is still over her mouth. Phina sinks her neat little white teeth into the man's hand. "Owe! Shit Phina!" He releases her and she sinks to the floor laughing. "Your drunk."

Teddy is standing over her, frowning down. Phina give another drunken laugh. "So?"

"Damn it Phina." He shakes his injured hand, rubs it on his jeans, and bends down so they are face to face. "What do you thing you are doing?  
She blinks at him innocently, "Sitting on the floor." She says, not a hint of sarcasm in her voice. He runs his hands through his hair and she cocks her head to the side, watching him curiously.

"What?" He snaps. She doesn't answer, just frowns. He doesn't mean to sound so harsh, but he'd come here for a reason and it wasn't this. With his head full of Ella's advise he had thought waiting for her room was a good idea, she had to return eventually. He had thought that being in her territory would make her more comfortable and they could finally clear the air. But any talking Phina did tonight wasn't going to be comprehensible.

"Does your hair get greasy when you do that?" She is staring at his hair with interest.

"No, it doesn't." He says with a sigh of defeat. Drunk Phina was even harder to comprehend than any of her other crazy moods that change like the wind.

"Oh." That's it. Her eyes roll up into her head and she drops like a rock backward. Her head hits the floor with a thunk that has him cringing. She's gonna feel that in the morning. Without any effort he scoops her up into his arms and carries her the few step it takes to reach her tiny bed. It is the same bed that was here the last time he was with her in room. There hadn't been much room for him back then, it isn't any better now.

Ted lays her on the bed and removes the impossibly high heels from her feet. _ Do these things make her feet hurt? _He's never had the guts to ask any woman if the break-your-neck-heels were as dangerous as they look. He'd been to afraid they'd take one off and impale him with it. With some exertion he tugs her skin tight jeans over her hips and down her legs. The black lace thong that does nothing to cover her sexy little ass has him in awe. How can she be passed out drunk and still stir him to passion?

Ted wonders if he should go through the venture of sitting her up, removing her shirt and bra and slipping on a nighty. He decides against it. She can sleep in the tank top. He peels off his own cloths, leaving on his wife beater and boxer briefs, and crams himself into the tiny bed with her. She isn't going to be in a good mood when she wakes up, but he'll have her trapped. She won't want to alert her father to his presence, and yelling for him would hurt her head to much anyway. He'd have her exactly where he wants her!


	5. Chapter 5

**Her head is** pounding, and she has the strange idea that she might have fallen asleep in Mrs. Grey's steam room. Phina cracks an eyelid and quickly snaps it closed again. The room is filled with blinding white light that will do nothing to help her headache. She can't suppress the moan that escaped her when the unrelenting heat that is wrapped around her moves.

"Cosmic retribution." A sleepy male voice chuckles in her ear.

"More like Cosmos' retribution." This isn't the first time she's had the displeasure of waking in the arms of a man not suffering from the same hangover as herself. Gathering every last drop of strength her tired and protesting muscles can spare Phina shoves the heels of her hands into the Wall of chest in front of her.

"Hay! Oof!" The formerly laughing man won't be so smug now. _He wont be to pleased with me either. _The thought flits across her mind but she pushes it away. "What the hell Phina?"

"Go away Teddy." Her voice is thick with pain. Phina throws and arm over her burning eyes, pulls the covers up over her bare legs and tries to go back to sleep. Without warning she blots up rite, _oh that hurts! _"Why am I half naked?" she demands form the man still laying sprawled out on her bedroom floor.

"Phina honey, is every thing alright?" Her mother knocks gently on the door.

"Yeah mom, every thing is fine!" she presses a hand to her head, witch now feels like it might explode. Teddy pulls his own rumpled pants over to him and pulls a hand full of stuff out of the pockets. Phina watches as he sorts our some lint, change,his cellphone, a random pair of cufflinks, a condom, and a packet of extra strength Tylenol.

"Here." he holds up the little paper envelope of pills. She accepts them, and using the bottle of water that her mom always keeps on the bedside table. She eyes the ecliptic collection of junk in his hand. "What?"

"You just carry a condom around in your pocket all the time?" Ted shoves the junk back into his pocket but leaves the jeans on the floor.

"Well, yeah." He shrugs. "Why?"

"Don't most men carry them in their wallets?"

"How should I know? Do I look like I go around asking other men where they keep their emergency contraceptives?" Phina wants to laugh, but just thinking about it has her head hurting again. She flops back onto the bed and pulls her pillow over her face.

"Go away Teddy." Her voice is muffled. He pulls the corner of the pillow up and smirks down at her.

"We need to talk."

"Now?" She sounds horrified at the prospect of having to speak longer than strictly necessary. "No. I'm going to sleep until my head stops hurting...and then I'm going to sleep some more." She pulls the pillow back down over her face and turns away. He is sitting next to her on the bed, and Phina can hear the smile in his voice.

"And I'll be right here when you wake up...again."

S**he knows he **is there. Before Phina opens her eyes to check if he kept his promise, she knows instinctively that Ted is sitting beside her on the bed, "Your very beautiful. Do you know that?" Her breathing hitches. A finger gently lifts her right eyelid and she glares up at him. "I know you are awake. How much longer do you plan on laying here? I gotta tell you, as pretty a picture as you make, it is incredibly boring to watch you sleep the day away."

Phina bats his hand away and rubs her eyes. "What time is it?" she ask while yawning, the question is nearly unintelligible.

"Two in the afternoon. Your mother has come in to check on you twice, and Sophie was here to." He says nonchalantly, as if it isn't a life shattering issue for her family to find him in her room while she is sleeping. Phina bolts upright, noting that her head doesn't hurt quite so badly any more.

"My mother and sister came in here?" He nods. "And you did what? Just sat there and smiled at them?" She is incredulous.

"No," He is chuckling. "I actually hid in YOUR closet." Phina's eyes bug. And then a slime breaks out on her face, before he knows it she is cackling. She laughs til tears leak from her eyes. "What, may I ask, is so funny?" He demands, feigning hurt.

She wipes at her eyes and gives a few more giggles. "I just had the mental image of you, a grown ass man, cramming yourself into my closet and hiding amongst the stuffies. I can just see you sitting. Patiently waiting for my mom to leave, next to the giant bear and a baby doll!" She burst into laughter again. Ted's lips twitch. Eventually she sobers, and they are sitting facing each other on the bed. "Time to talk?" She doesn't sound happy about the idea.

"It has to be said Phina. We have let this fester for long enough."

"It's in the past Teddy, can't we just leave it that way?"

"No." He is adamant. "For the past twelve years you have been hating yourself, me, my father, and the world for what happened. We need to get past this Phina, and the only way that is going to happen is if we talk about it."

She takes a deep breath, and nods. "It hurt a lot." Her lip is trembling and she is close to tears again.

"I told you it would, a girl's first time is ALWAYS painful Phina, and you were so young." Ted wants to pull her against him and hold her again. It had been so much easier to acknowledge his mistakes the other night knowing that she still cared enough for him to seek comfort in his arms. But Phina has pulled her Knees up to her cheat and is rocking her self back and forth.

She looks up at him in surprise. "You thunk I meant... that?"

Ted frowns, "Of course, what else was there that hurt?"

"Every thing! Those horrible things your father said, having you stand there and not defend me, or yourself. Watching you leave and knowing I was going to be alone for...for..." Her voice become a high pitched wail. She releases her legs and launches herself into him. Ted catches her, pulling her into the protection of his body, as if he can shield her from the pain of so long ago.

_**Teddy is laying **__over her, supporting his weight with his elbows, his hands in her hair holding her head still for his kiss. His tong is in her mouth, Phina has never been kissed this way. It isn't gross like she had thought it would be. there is something strangely exciting about it. One of his big hands moves down the side of her face, over her neck to the tiny bump that is her underdeveloped breast. He breaks his mouth away"Christ Phina, your already naked?" _

_ "hurry up!" Phina hisses in his ear. It doesn't take long, I never does for eighteen year old boys. The pain Phina feels is intense, but fleeting,____and just like when he was with Sophie, when Teddy is done he collapses onto the bed beside her. He gathers Phina close, she rests her head on his chest with a sight of contentment. Sure her insides feel like churned butter, and she didn't get any real satisfaction, Teddy is Happy and that is all that matters._

_ Phina can't seem to keep her eyes open. Teddy is stroking his fingers up and down the arm she has wrapped around his hip and it is hypnotizing. As she drifts into sleep she hears teddy whisper in awe, "I can't believe I did that!"_

**There is an extended scene for this chapter (it is graphic and dirty and I was worried that it could be classified as child porn) if you want to read it I am willing to send it to you with your understanding that it is not meant to be taken that way!**


	6. Chapter 6

** "I can't believe** I did that." The words echo in Phina's head. She couldn't believe they'd done it either. She lifts her head to stair into Ted's blue eyes. They had both been in the wrong, this is true. But Phina knows that if she hadn't been such a spoiled little brat and blackmailed Teddy to get her way none of it would have happened. The real kicker is that her deflowering had been the least painful of every thing that happened that year.

There is a knock on the door. "Are you decent?" It's Sophie.

"Just a minuet, I'm naked!" Phina screams. She scrambles off Ted's lap, eyes wide with panic. Sophie had seen her in the nude millions of times, she'd helped change her diapers! Once Sophie realized this she'd be through the door. "She can't find you here!"

Ted leisurely uncurls himself from the bed and grasps her shoulders. "Phina, we are both consenting adults. Our parents might not like it, but this time there is nothing they can do if we choose to be together."

Phina growls, "I don't have time for your logic, get in the closet!"

"What?" He is incredulous. "Again?" Phina shoves at his back, propelling him into her closet. She slams the door on his face and spins around in time to see her sister enter the room.

"Since when do I care if your dressed or not?" She is smiling.

"You asked?" Phina shrugs. "Did you come in here for a reason or do you just like disturbing my mornings?"

"It's well into the evening now." Sophie points out. Phina shrugs again. "I did come for a reason," She sucks in a breath, trying to gather her strength.

"Look if this is about my going out drinking last night..."

Sophie shakes her head. "No, no. It has nothing to do with that. You're a grown woman, I can't stop you from going out and having a bit of fun if you want to. Thought I would ask that you exorcize a little caution..." At the bland look on Phina's face she stops. "Sorry, I said this wasn't gonna be a lecture and I meant it." She sits on Phina's bed and pats the comforter beside her. When Phina obligingly plops down beside her Sophie jumps into it.

"I noticed that you still have a thing for Teddy." When Phina opens her moth to protest Sophie hols up a hand. "This isn't all about him, but he is a part of it. Phina I'm giving you my two weeks notice as your mangier. I can recommend a few good people that I think would suit you, but I can't do it any more."

"what does Teddy have to do with this?" There are a million other questions that Phina should probably be asking, but all she can think is _'what part did Ted play in this?'_

"Phina, I'm thirty eight years old. I have spent the majority of my life cleaning up after you. You are my sister and I love you, but I want my own life." Phina can understand that. She begrudgingly admits that she has been her sister's responsibility for most of her life. Her parents had been older when they had her, and Sophie had been a convenient baby sitter. What Phina still can't understand is what any of this had to do with Teddy.

"Saraphina," Sophie looks straight into her sister's eyes. "I love him." It is as if all of the air has evaporated from the room. No one says ant thing for a long while, not the man crouched in the closet or the two sisters facing off on the bed. Finally Sophie continues, "I have been in love with him for a long time, but I never thought I could act on it. First because we were to young, and then because I knew you had a thing for him."

She isn't looking at her sister any more. "I want to have a real relationship; With hearts and flowers, commitment, and maybe marriage and children." Phina gasps. Listening to this is like a knife through the chest. "Teddy and I have been an on again off again thing for years. We meet up whenever we both have time off. But I am sick of this wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am approach to a relationship. I want more! Can you understand that and just be happy for me and Teddy?" Numbly Phina nods. She can't form words, it feels like some one is brutally twisting that knife in her chest.

Sophie flings herself forward and wraps her sister in an embrace that forces what little are was left in Phina's body out. "I knew you could be reasonable! I'll always love you baby sister!"Completely oblivious to the pain that has turned Phina's emotions into a puddle of goo inside Sophie jumps to her feet and leaves the room. She turns at the door an blows a kiss to her little sister. Phina goes through the motions of pretending to catch it and pressing it to her chest, but she can no longer feel the love.

**Ted waits only **long enough for Sophie to close the door behind herself before bursting out of hiding. He is to late. Phina has slid off the bed and is curled into a ball on the floor. "Phina..." He is on his knees beside her, reaching out to her.

"Don't!" She lashes out and slaps his hands away.

"baby,"

"Go away!" She growls, her usually beautiful voice has become a harsh rasp. Ted pulls his hand back but doesn't move away. From inside the bottomless pit of dispare that has consumed her Phina feels another emotion filling her, Rage. She has spent the past twelve years hurting while he had moved on. He'd had no qualms about continuing his adulterous behavior with Sophie. There were about to enter into a serious relationship that will eventually culminate in children. CHILDREN?

She can't keep the fury inside, it bubble to the surface and he entire body begins to shake. She climbs to her feet and stands there looking down on him. "Saraphina?" He can see the anger flashing in her eyes. Slowly he moves to stand in front of her. "We can talk this through." She is nodding again, while backing up towards her bed stand.

_Talk? He wants to talk? _The only thing she thinks she can say to him are curse words, and even those don't make it past her lips. Seeing the lamp the table, so close to her hands, a light clicks on above her head. Phina reaches out, grasps the base of and yanks the cord from the wall. "Phina." He warns, holding his hands out to his side. "Let's not be to hasty now."

"Hasty?" The word is a rumble in her throat. She lifts the lamp, "I'll show you hasty!" guessing her intent Ted bolts for the door, he manages to slam it behind him before the light hits crashes into it.

**Damn her! Teddy** stomps down the hall, right past a confused Mrs. Taylor who hadn't known he was in her house, and out the door. Just when he was coming to understand the gaping hole that had been in his chest the past twelve years... just when he thinks he knows how to fill it. Damn her!

Sophie loves him! Of all the things she could have said to her delicate little sister, of all the times to reveal her feelings! He wants to condemn her to hell for that to, but he can't. He has feeling for her as well, but love? After every thing that has happened to him, epically in the last two days, Ted isn't sure he even knows how to love.

By the time he reaches his family home his head is spinning. Reliving the past with Phina is traumatic enough, and then having Sophie pour her heart out. He is caught between a rock and a hard place. He has loved Sophie since the day he was born. Her father had brought the eight year old to the hospital to meet the new addition to their little family. It had been love at first sight for them both.

Phina and Ella had been born in the same hospital, only days apart. He'd been at the hospital with his father to bring his mother and new sister home when she was born. Christian had sat in a rocking chair in Mrs. Taylor's room with his son on one knee and baby Saraphina cradled in his other arm. Ted looked down at the little girl then up at his father and said _"is she my sister too?"_

little Teddy had thought of the new babies what most five year old boy thinks about them... they are loud, smelly, and take up too much of the adults attention. He had grown to care for her though, He'd felt the same need to see her safe and happy that he had for his own sisters. But love?

Phina had eventually engaged his heart, but not until it was to late. He'd made his mistakes and couldn't take them back by the time he realized just how much she meant to him. And now he'd done it again. Just when he was reconnecting with Phina (and his heart) he'd gone and blown it! He huffs out a frustrated sigh. Women, God save him but he loves them both!

** He is gone**, and she is completely and utterly alone in the world. Not knowing what else to do Phina makes her way out of her room, brushing the remains of the lamp aside. She heads down the hall and into the bathroom. Dimly aware that she is in nothing but her underwear and shirt she'd warn to the club the night before.

She stands in front of the mirror, trying desperately to find herself in the image reflected back at her. The woman standing in her parents bathroom looks like her. Granted her hair witch is normally professionally dome is a tangled mess. There are bags under her sunken eyes, and her skin is so pale it is almost translucent. She is grateful when the steam from the hot water fogs the glass, she can't find any trace of Saraphina in the blurred image any better than she could before.

Without bothering to remove her cloths she stumbles into the hot spray. She is still shaking, from an overload of emotions. She sinks to her keens in the tub and lets the shower wash away the rest of her restraint. Her brain seems to be on repeat, all she can think is _'they want to have children'_.

There had been a time, long ago when she had dreamed of having a family with Teddy. But like most of her other childish dreams, she watched them flutter away in the breeze when he pulled out of the driveway, and her life, so many years ago.


	7. Chapter 7

**The walls that** Phina has spent so many years building around those painful memories that she never wanted to relive are tumbling down and her soul is being laid bare.

_**She is standing** in the same bathroom, twelve years in the past. Thirteen year-old Phina is staring down at the little stick in her hand. It turned blue! She doesn't want to believe it, but this is the third one she has peed on and they had all turned the same cheery color blue that the box said meant positive. How could she possibly be pregnant at thirteen?_

_She'd only been having her period for a year but her mom had taught her to count the days and anticipate when it would come. When it hadn't started when she thought it would, she'd given it another week before she started worrying. Using Sophie's laptop when her sister wasn't home (probably sneaking around with Teddy) Phina looked up 'missed period' and wanted to die when she read all the causes. The list wasn't too long, sometimes when a girl is too thin she can miss her period, or when she has cancer, or if she is with child! _

_If she had to choose, she hoped it was because she had been feeling sick lately and had lost a lot of weight from all the vomiting. But cancer didn't sound so bad either when compared to the third option. She'd had to be sneaky when buying the tests. _

_Normally, her parents bought her whatever she wanted in the store. If she had something in her hand, she was expected to throw it in the carriage. It would look suspicious for her to want to buy something they couldn't see. So she had skipped French and ran to the drugstore down the street, careful to be back in time for her father to pick her and Ella up after school as he always did._

_What is she going to do? She is aware that lots of teenage girls get pregnant every day, but they aren't her. And Jason Taylor isn't their father. And none of them forced the son of a multibillionaire to have sex with them. Teddy! She has to tell Teddy._

_Teddy is lying on his back across the top of a picnic table behind the big house. Perfect blond, not knocked up, Sophie is chatting animatedly with him. She stops talking when she sees Phina walking towards them. "Go away brat." She says in that board tone she uses only with her sister._

_"I need to talk to Teddy." Phina wishes she was older, smarter, and prettier than her sister so she could have Teddy's attention without having to pout._

_Ted flips over, "So talk." She shakes her head._

_"Alone." her tone brooks no argument._

_"Just ignore her Ted, she'll go away eventually."_

_"No, I'll hear her out." he climbs gracefully from the table, all long lean limbs. Phina is dumbstruck for a moment, remembering what it was like to have his strong arms around her. It had been so wonderful, even if just for that one night, that he was hers. "Well?' He is looking at her in that way he has, like she is an annoying child he puts up with._

_She wants to take his hand, but not in front of Sophie. So she leads him around to the side of the house near the little building Mr. Grey had built to use as an office. Phina can't think of how to tell him. Her imagination has run away with her and all the possibilities of how she should say it and how he'll respond fill her mind. She is full of contradictory ideas and too many useless words when she finally stops, turns to him and blurts out. "I'm pregnant!"_

**"Phina baby?" There** is a gentile knock at the door before her mother barges in. "I just saw Teddy honey and he seemed upset..." Gail stops and takes in what is in front of her. Saraphina is curled in a ball on the floor of the shower. Clothes on, makeup smeared all over her face, her hair looks as if rodents have been nesting in it. "Oh sweetie, what's wrong?"

It distresses the poor woman to see her daughter this way. She is, of course, a proud mama. All of Phina's success in the music world is something to celebrate. But she knows something is wrong. If the songs about dying inside and wishing she had the strength to kill herself weren't clues enough., she didn't know what was! But at the same time, Phina had always been a strong willed and independent child, never needing anyone to lean on. She'd lead a vibrant life filled with her love for music

Phina had spent a healthy amount of time hanging with friends, playing games, and studying. And an uncanny amount of time obsessing over Teddy Grey, but that had been a childish crush she'd gotten over when he went off to collage. Well, directly after Teddy's departure she'd moped and cried and been completely over dramatic and melancholic, but she had gotten over it.

Phina buried herself in her studies, concentrating on achieving those high marks that made her parents so proud. The black clothes and pale skin had been worrisome, but she wasn't doing anything bad so her parents did nothing to stop it. Gail is aware that somewhere along the road she missed something big that changed her daughter dramatically.

Phina lifts her head from where she'd buried it in her crossed arms and gasps. She hadn't thought her mother would interrupt her pity party. She wants to snap at her mother to leave, but seeing the pained expression on the woman's face she says nothing. Gail turns the shower off and holds up a towel for her distraught daughter.

Not wanting to upset her mother anymore Phina stands, strips out of the sodden shirt and undergarments, and lets her mother wrap her in the oversized fluffy white towel. Gail pulls the chair out from the vanity that sits in one corner of the bathroom, Phina sits. Letting her mom towels off her hair, Phina studies the vast array of makeup and hair products strewn across the table's glass top.

She remembers sitting at this very table while her mother taught her to apply makeup when Gail realized how interested in the process her daughter really was. Phina had just wanted to look and feel older for Ted, but it didn't mater. Mother and daughter had been bonding. That bond they had formed was stretched taught now. Neither knew what to say to placate the other.

"You're not having a very good vacation, are you?"

"I'm just going through something complicated mom. It'll all work out fine. You'll see." Phina's voice is shaking, but she wants to mean what she is saying to her mother.

"Baby, I know that you will get through what ever this is. I want you to know that no matter what happens now, or what happened in the past, I am here for you. There is nothing you or your sister could do that would make your father and me stop loving you. You have always been my brave girl, trying to do every thing alone, but baby, you don't have to carry the world on your shoulders.

I have heard all of you lovely songs, and I know that you are hurting inside. I wish I knew what happened that made you feel this way. When you are ready to talk to me, I want you to know I am here. Until then... I know how often you have considered committing suicide and you think that you're to much of a coward to do it. Baby, your not killing yourself proves how strong and brave you truly are! Suicide is the cowards' way out.

You are stronger that you will ever know, and I love you more than I can ever truly say. Your father, sister, and you were my second shot at living the life I always wished I could've had. It has been more wonderful than words can express, I just want that for you, all the love and happiness I have found. You deserve to be happy!"

Mother and daughter are looking into each others' eyes in the mirror. Their matching eyes shimmering with tears. "I love you too mom." Phina's voice is stronger now.

"You know what makes me fee better when I am down in the dumps?" Gail changes the subject.

"Daddy?"

"Well him too." She winks at her daughter. "But a nice trip to the salon always leaves me feeling refreshed."

Phina nods. "Thanks mom, I can take a hint and figure out when brushing my hair is a lost cause." She pretends to smile and Gail buys it, giving her daughter a beaming grin.

"That's my girl!"

**The little salon** is cute but slick. Esclava offers everything from a simple hair cut to waxing, even shiatsu massages. The receptionist, a young blond who introduces herself as Beth, recognizes Phina immediately. "An honor to have celebrity in our shop!" She squeals and runs into a back room to get the owner.

An older woman dressed in all black follows Beth out to greet Phina. She is much older, but Phina can't begin to guess her age. Her hair is cut in a neat bob, it was once blond but is now a respectable gray. She has aged gracefully and maintained her looks, she is tall and tanned, and looks fit and healthy. Even for being older she is beautiful. Her name tag reads 'Elena'.

"Ms. Taylor, what a pleasure to have you here in our little shop." Phina shakes her hand.

"Nice to meet you ma'am." not even Teddy can kill the good manners her parents instilled in her.

"Pleas, call me Elena. Now what can we do for you today?" Her sharp intelligent eyes take in all of Phina. She'd been too tired after everything that had already happened today to worry about what people thought of her, she'd put on a pair of scandalously short black shorts and a matching black tank top that didn't have a prayer of covering her. And her hair, though her mother had brushed it out, was again a tangle of curls.

Phina's curls had the ability to look stunningly beautiful and gave her a youthful appearance when done properly. But Phina didn't have the energy to even pile it up into a bun, never mind bow dry it and then go through the process of adding the dozens of different products it requires to force the curls to conform.

"I don't always look like a slutty bum." She tells Elena. "I don't think I'd have any fans if I did." The woman laughs.

"Let's start with the hair and move on from there shall we?" Phina doesn't protest and explain that she just took a shower when Elena leads her over to the sink. That shower was more of a 'something to do with myself because I don't know what else to do' thing than an actual shower-there had been zero washing. Elena's fingers gently massage Phina's scalp and it feels so good, like she is washing so much more than her hair. Maybe her brain needs a good cleaning too. "Now, what were you thinking about doing?"

"I don't know, this was my mom's idea." Phina admits. In a flash her eyes pops open and she is grinning.


	8. Chapter 8

**"I take it** you have an idea?"

"I am sick of looking like me. I have looked this way my entire life. If I can't have the man I want, or the life I have dreamed of, than I will change myself...my hopes and dreams."

Elena looks down at her client with a quirky smile on her face, "And what is it that you normally look like? You'll have to forgive an old lady when I admit that I'm not exactly a fan."

Phina shrugs, she isn't offended when people don't like her music. Music is all about passion, you should feel a torrid love for the music you listen to, and everyone has different tastes. "I look like the poster child for self-loathing. I keep my hair long because my mother loves the ringlets. I leave it dark because it suits my image. I let everyone else dictate how I should look and behave."

"Why in the world would you do that?" Elena is rinsing the suds from her hair.

"To punish myself. I have been putting myself through hell for the last twelve years, but he hasn't. It took two of us to make that baby, and it should have been two of us suffering. But he takes none of the blame on himself. He's been living it up with HER!" Phina stops when she realizes she's been raving and every one in the salon is staring at her.

Being in the business long enough, it was not unusual for Elena to be the receiving end of a rant, so she didn't even blink when the young woman mentioned a baby and a man. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that she ended up with neither.

Elena's gentle fingers are rubbing lavender scented conditioner into Phina's thick mass of hair. She has been taking in every word the girl has to say, and commiserating. "Men suck, honey. You can give them every thing you have and it still won't be enough. You love him, don't you?"

Phina tries to nod but Elena's hands are buried in her hair. "I've been head over heels for that ass since the day I was born."

"Trust me when I say, I know how badly it hurts to love a man who can never love you back. If you try to force him, it will only end in tears. My advice to you, sweetie, is to let him go. No matter how badly it hurts right now, the pain will only get worse the longer you hold on."

Phina doesn't say any thing to that, just lays there and lets Elena rinse the conditioner off her hair. Elena is right, she has held on for so long to the hope that Teddy would some day look at her and fall in love. Like some magical weights are going to be removed from his eyelids and he will open them completely and see her for who she truly is.

The major problem is that Phina doesn't know who she truly is. She can't be this macabre creature that hides behind her sad songs and black clothes. Before everything happened, she'd loved bright colors and loud happy music. Her favorite color had been blue, like Teddy's eyes. It is a revelation, in a hair salon, to realize that no one can truly love her when she doesn't love herself-because she doesn't even know herself!

**Sophie is sitting** alone on her parents' front step when Teddy finds her. He's spent the last hour beating himself up for being a spineless coward, and having finally made up his mind, he has come looking for her. She flashes him a beautiful smile that lights up her pretty face. She has always seemed like a blond angel to him, the older woman a boy like him never really had a shot at. But she wants him!

"There you are!" She sounds so happy to see him. Ted has the coward's urge to turn and head back the way he came. What he has come to say isn't going to make her happy. The last thing he wants is to break the heart of his long time friend.

Ted knows that he has led a pampered life, and Sophie had spoiled him. From giving him her popsicle when his dropped on the ground to giving him herself when he expressed an interest. Now she had given him her heart, and like the ungrateful wretch he is, he doesn't want it. "I've been looking for you." He responds, knowing he doesn't sound quite as happy to see her as she is to see him.

"Good, because I have been waiting for you." She bats those long blond lashes at him, the way that used to drive him wild. He sits beside her and the swing rocks.

"I need to have a serious discussion with you." He begins. Unlike her sister, who has a response for every thing he says; Sophie folds her hands in he lap, presses her lips together and waits to hear what he has to say. "It's about Phina. Sophie, I think I'm falling in love with her." Sophie gasps, one hand pressed over her heart.

"Teddy..."

"I know that you think you have feelings for me Sophie, but you don't. At least not the way you believe you do. We have been friends for so long, and lovers, and everything else for each other that we could possibly need that you think you have to be in love with me. Think real hard Sophie, have you been on a date with any other man in the past few years since I returned from collage?"

She is silent for a few moments, trying to mull over what he has just said. "Teddy, you're the only man I have been with in the last twelve years, you're the only man I have wanted to be with." She looks into his eyes. "I am in love with you!"

"No, Sophie. You are confusing the love that we do have together, the sibling love and mutual respect, for romantic love. We started to sleep together because I was young and insanely attracted to you and you were board. We continued to do so because it was more convenient to use one another than to go through the motions of dating.

When we do spend more than a few days together, it is fun at first but then we start to get on each others nerves. You need someone more mature than me, someone who can give you everything you need. And I need someone who doesn't try to mother me." When she tries to protest he cocks and eyebrow at her. It is true, she is eight years older than him, she had once been his baby sitter, and she does try to mother him.

Sophie thinks for a moment about all the immature things Teddy does that drives her nuts. Like his brooding, his constant need to argue with her, not to mention her annoyance over his love for those 'toys' of his that capture and keep his attention better than she can. She is always jealous of him for his ability to stay out all night with his buddies riding dirt bikes or jet skis; while she sits at home going over yet another contract for Phina.

"I'm not the only one you try to mother Sophie. You do it to Phoebe, Ella, and Phina too." She knows this is true. She had admitted as much to her sister that very morning. "You need to find a man who wants the same things as you, a quiet life at home with a house filled with children whom you can mother to your heart's content...not me."

They sit together, each quietly contemplating everything that Ted has said. He can hardly believe his own boldness. He hadn't stood up to anyone in a long time, not since the tongue lashing his father delivered all those years ago. He'd stood there and accepted his father's ire because he deserved it. He knew deep down that he deserved worse than that. By all means, his father, and then hers, should have beaten him to a bloody pulp. He deserved it!

"So, you and the brat?" Sophie nudges his shoulder.

"Yeah." his face turns red. He isn't ready to talk about his rocky relationship with her sister yet.

"You always did have a soft spot for her. Remember her fifth birthday when your dad rented a bounce house for the party and Phina was afraid to go inside?" She is smiling. This is the Sophie that he loves like his own sisters. The woman who could take anything and still keep on going.

"There were about twenty of us in there, having a ball and she sat outside crying because she wanted to have fun too but was to chicken to get in." He remembers fondly. Phina had been such a beautiful child, her dark curls and pale skin had intrigued him even then.

"You went up behind her and picked her up, even with both our fathers yelling at you to put her down you still shoved her into that thing." Phina had thought he was trying to be mean, but Ted understood how badly she wanted to be just like everyone else. She was always complaining that if Elliot hadn't made the fort so high, maybe she'd be able to play too. He'd known that the bounce house was a similar situation.

"She stopped crying after a few minuets." Ted had pulled little Phina kicking and screaming into the middle of the blowup house and sat holding her while everyone jumped around them. First she'd been afraid of the height then she was worried that someone would fall over her. But Teddy wrapped himself around her so that if anyone had fallen, he'd have taken the brunt of it. After only a few minuets she stopped crying and begun to laugh.

"She liked it so much that by the time night fell she convinced our parents to let us sleep in it. That was the coldest I've ever been, it was like sleeping on top of an air-conditioner. Me and the other girls all gave up and went inside but you stayed out there with her all night. Didn't your dad end up buying that thing? I think it is still somewhere in the storage space above his office."

Ted was happy that their friendship would survive. They were sitting close together, discussing their childhood exploits, and Ted's weakness for Phina's big brown eyes when Gale's little tan car turns up. But it isn't Gale who gets out. At first neither of them recognizes the woman with short blond and blue hair that is waking towards them. When she gets closer Teddy is shocked. "Phina!"

**It's eight o'clock** at night when Phina finally leaves the salon, she feels like a completely different person. She looks like a completely different person. She'd let Elena cut off all her hair (saving it of course to donate to Locks of Love), and they had spent a lot of time discussing hair dye. She is now sporting a blond, chunky layered, pixy cut-with blue highlights.

She'd also spent an hour relaxing on a tanning bed, and purchased a month's pass. She is sick of looking like some sort of goth vampire wanna-be. Phina wants to have some color to her cheeks. She feels so much older without the little girl hairstyle. It is liberating to have made her first real decision in twelve years.

When she pulls back into the driveway, in her mother's sensible sedan that she had borrowed, the feeling of dread is gone. The world had been lifted off her shoulders. If Teddy doesn't have to punish himself for all of their mistakes, if he can move on and have his happily ever after with Sophie; than she can let him go. She can enjoy her successful singing career. Her head is held high and for the first time in twelve years there was something on her mind other than how horrible a person she was and how much she deserved to suffer.

Until she sees them. Sophie and Teddy are sitting on the porch swing, hands clasped, heads together, whispering. It brings it all home again. How can she let him go when her every thought is of him? She can feel the hoe in her soul growing with every step she takes towards the front door, pretending not to notice the lovers in their own little world. Seeing them together, she feels a silly foe having thought changing her hair would make her a different person.

"Phina!" Teddy jumps up from the swing and runs towards her. She ignores him, entering the hose and slamming the door in his beautiful face before he can say another word. She doesn't want to see him or her stupid sister ever again. Marching past her now confused father, she heads straight to her bedroom to pack her bag and return to her empty life in New York.


	9. Chapter 9

**She feels so** stupid! How could she have fooled herself into thinking a haircut was going to change everything? Phina knew that she would always be the same self loathing, depressed person that she'd been for the past twelve years. Teddy might be able to move on, but she never could. Hot salty tears are pouring from her eyes and her chest hurts from lack of air.

"Phina!" Teddy is pounding on the door, but she ignores him. The last thing she wants is to hear him 'explain'. She never wants to see his lying handsome face again. "Open the door before I break it down!" She is tearing her closet full of black clothes off the hangers and shoving them into bags.

Her back is to the door when the wood cracks and Teddy burst in; she is putting her black lacy undergarments in the bag. "Look at me." His voice is a low demanding growl. She doesn't listen, just continues to pack. "Where do you think you are going?"

Phina turns on her heel, a lacy thong hanging in her hand and points a finger. "Get out of my room!" The cold hard words are diminished by the underwear dangling from her fingers. Teddy closes the distance between them in three steps. He tugs the scrap of fabric and she lets go. A crocked grin crosses his face when he tucks the thong into his back pocket.

"It is not what you're thinking." he is more composed now. His blue eyes burning into hers with the intensity of lasers. Phina wonders for a moment if he can see straight through her blackened soul. Teddy knows her worst sin, she tilts her chin up, he has a share in her dirty deed.

"You said that yesterday." She wants to look away, but then he'd see the cracks in her defenses and strike. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

He nods, "I meant it then and I mean it now. There is noting between your sister and me other than a life long friendship."

She rolls her eyes and scoffs, "I saw you the other night, just like I saw you just now. You can't pretend to care about me while you're fucking her!" The curse word sounds so wrong on her innocent lips. Phina shouldn't know what fucking is, never mind do it. She should only be made love to.

"You saw us walk into my parents' house together, but you relied on your imagination to make up what we did once we were inside."

"You were holding hands."

"We have always held hands." One of his big, strong, hands moves to cup her cheek. "I hadn't seen your sister in almost a year. Sophie and I have been friends since before I can even remember. She has been a part of the family, and sleepovers, for us, are common place. Whenever one of us has been away for any length of time, when we get together, we eat outrageous amounts of junk food, watch their favorite movies and just bask in each others' company".

"I'm not saying Sophie didn't want to make love, and that I wasn't tempted. But Phina, holding you in my arms for the first time in twelve years, feeling the pain roll off you in waves. I was so confused by all of our mixed up emotions, I couldn't bring myself to do anything with Sophie beyond sleep."

Phina is looking up at him, wanting so badly to believe him. Latching on to his words about emotions and pain. If he can feel how hurt she was, and feel his own emotions swirling, can he be as confused and afraid as she is? "What about her revelation this morning? And you looked awfully cozy on that swing." Her protests are getting weaker. Ted knows that he has a chance to make her see.

"I have known for a while that your sister thinks she loves me, on the swing just now she and I were discussing the future of our relationship." Phina stiffens and tries to take a step back. Ted sides his hand around to the back or her neck, holding her in place. "I told her that I don't want to lose her friendship, but we can never be more than friends. I told her that we can't be lovers anymore either." He bends closer so his lips are only inches from hers and whispers, "How can I be with her when I want to be with you?"

Phina sucks in a shocked breath. He presses a chaste kiss to her lips and smiles before continuing. "I know I did you wrong. I'm sorry for it; I'm more than sorry for it! What happened should never have happened! You were only a little kid, I should have set you straight and let that be the end of it. But..." She latches on to his hesitation.

"But?"

"I love you Phina, I've always loved you. It might not have been the kind of love you wanted me to feel then, but people change. I do love you. I caused you so much pain, and let you suffer alone, and there is no forgiveness for what I did. I need to know, in spite of it all, do you think you could ever love me?"

Teddy can't read the expression on Phina's face. He thinks that her look might not be askew if he'd just announce that he'd hatched from a green alien egg... not declared his love for her. "Say something." Ted's heart is filled with love while his head if filled with uncertainty.

Phina can't find the words she wants to say, she can't seem to remember to breath. Just when she has decided to let him go and move on, here he is telling her every thing she has ever wanted to hear. "How...How can you love me?" she can't help but think that at any minute he was going to burst out laughing and Sophie is going to burst out of hiding with a video camera.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You can't possibly love me, you don't know me! I don't even know me! I have thought for years that I was in love with you, but it isn't you that I love, not really. I love the idea of you, of us." Phina's head is spinning. Why is she pushing him away when all she wants is to throw herself into his arms?

"I don't know you?" he asks incredulously. "I know all of the important things. I know that you hate to let people see your weaknesses, even though I already know all of them. I know how badly you hurt inside, and that you blame yourself for everything bad that happens around you. Butthe most important thing that I know is that you do love me."

Phina can't believe what he is saying. He knows her weakness true enough, and anyone who has ever heard one of her songs knows how badly she is hurting inside. "I am so much more than the sum of my weaknesses."

"And too well I know it. You are strong willed and independent. You're a musical genius with the voice of an angle who isn't afraid to bare her soul to the world. Be honest, it wasn't about the fans or the music, it was your way of getting my attention wasn't it?"

Phina gulps. How could he have known that? She had always been a gifted musician and it had only made since for her to continue on in that field after he left. But her every song had been a plea for Teddy to hear her, to see her. All she ever wanted was for him to understand her pain. She wanted forgiveness for what she had forced him to do, and to forgive herself for what she had done.

Without saying a word she steps forward. Teddy moves too, enfolding her in his arms. "I hear you Phina, I see you. I know your pain, it is the same as mine." She looks up at him, her eyes wide with shock. "I blame myself everyday for what happened. I have hated myself, hated my father...hated you. There was even a time I blamed Sophie. But baby, we need to move on."

"It was so terrible, I was so scared and alone. I don't know how to get over it." Ted feels that familiar pang of guilt for not having been there for her. Phina tries to forget the pain of that time long ago, a memory she doesn't think she will ever outlive.

_** Phina can't cry**_ _any more. She has run out of tears, but Mr. Grey hasn't run out of cuss words. He has yelled up one side of Teddy and down the other. She hadn't meant for him to overhear her confession to Ted but now that he had, she didn't know what to do. He wasn't yelling at her, yet. Christian put all the blame on Ted who is standing like a statue, letting his father rant._

_ "It wasn't his fault." she can hardly get the words out. Christian has always seemed so large and powerful to her. Before today he'd been nothing but nice. Now that he'd unleashed his previously leashed anger, Phina was more than afraid of what he would do._

_ "Don't get me started on you young lady!" he rounds on her. "How could you let him do this to you? Do you want to be known as a floozy? You don't have any idea what the two of you have done! This is over now!" he turns back to his son. "Pack your bags. You are leaving for college in the morning and not returning until I can once again stomach looking at you. Don't you dare say a word of this to your mother and upset her."_

_ "I can't leave Phina and the baby." Ted protests. It is the first thing he's said since Christian appeared and demanded they go to his office._

_ "I will take care of Phina, and after tomorrow there will be no baby!"_

_ "No...no baby?" Phina is shaking, her arms wrapped protectively around her middle._

_ "Go now!" he grows at Teddy, who listens and walks out the door. Christian is running his hands through his hair as he walks to his desk. "Take a seat." he is giving orders, and Phina knows better than to question him. When she is sitting in the chair opposite him Christian starts talking. "I know that you must be scared and confused, I am probably the last person in the world for you to talk to. Phina, I'm going to tell you something that no one but Mrs. Grey knows."_

_ His gray eyes are looking right at her, and she has the feeling that he can see her soul. "I know what it is like for you to feel coerced by someone older than you into sex. When I was a teenager there was an older woman who took advantage of me. It took me most of my life to recover from the things she and I did together, and she didn't get pregnant._

_ Phina your life is going to be difficult, I will never forgive my son for what he has done to you, but I'm going to take care of everything. I will call a doctor friend of mine and tomorrow you and I will take a little trip. I'm not going to lie to you Phina, this isn't going to be pleasant, but it is for the best. You need to have an abortion."_

_ Phina gasps. She wants to tell him that none of this is Teddy's fault. She wants to tell him that she wants her baby. But he isn't going to listen to her. Mr. Grey never listens to anyone once he has his mind set on something. She had thought that her tears had dried up..she'd been wrong!_

_ Teddy is driving away, his car packed with every thing he'll need to be successful in collage. Phina has one arm wrapped around her middle, as if by magic she can hold the tiny life inside her safe. She waves good bye to Teddy and knows that she will most likely never see him again. _

_ Mr. Grey is waiting in his sporty convertible, a car that she had secretly lusted over for years. He'd told her father that he was taking her to an empty lot he owned to let her take the car for a spin. He was lying! He was taking her baby away from her! When she is buckled into the passenger seat he speeds off, leaving a bemused Taylor waving from the front steps._

_ "Relax, I'm going to make-sure every thing is OK." Mr. Grey pats her hand in a reassuring gesture. She wants to pull away. Phina wants to lash out and grab the wheel, cause an accident; do anything that will stop what is about to happen._


	10. Chapter 10

**They are curled** together on Phina's bed. The memories don't hurt so bad with Teddy to share the burden. Maybe if he had been there all along nothing would have been so bad. "When you think about the baby, is it a boy or a girl?"

He places a kiss on her forehead. "Boy. You?"

"Girl." Phina is actually able to give a little smile. "When I go to church, or say my bed time prayers I'm not taking to God...I'm talking to her."

"What would you have named her?" When she doesn't answer, he puts a finger under her chin and tilts her face up to look at him. "What DID you name her?" he rephrases.

"Faith." she whispers. He nods and folds her back into his arms. "I couldn't even give her a burial!" she sobs. Ted rubs her back and coos soothing nonsense. Even considering what could have happened if he'd stood up to his father had always caused him pain in the past. The thought that there could have been a baby, that he might have led a different life with Phina by his side, it doesn't hurt so bad with Phina in his arms. He can even picture a future with them together.

"I think she would have had your dark hair and my blue eyes." He tells her. Then tugs at one of the chunky blue streaks. "Or maybe blue hair?" Phina gives a choked laugh.

"How can I laugh? How can I ever be happy?" Phina wants to never be happy again, to atone for the terrible things she has done, Teddy understands that now.

"Do you think Faith would want us to be sad forever?" Phina nods against his chest, Teddy suspects that she might have just wiped her nose on his shirt. "I think that our baby is up in heaven, looking down on us and she is sad," Her head pops up. "I believe that our baby would want us to be happy...together." Phina doesn't have any thing to say to this.

After twenty minuets of silence she is still clinging to his shirt and shaking. "Tell me about it... the abortion I mean."

"You weren't there." She says into his chest.

"I wanted to go with you, but my father threatened to cut me off if I didn't leave. I didn't think I had any other choice. I should have told him to shove it." He growls.

Phina is silent for a few more moments, then she raises her head and looks right into his eyes. "Your dad brought me to this little bitty doctors' office. He said that the people there were his friends, and that they would perform the procedure for a price, while keeping their mouths shut. He kept saying that my life didn't have to end just because you'd made a mistake." Her voice breaks."I let you take the blame. I wanted to tell him it was all my fault but I didn't. Teddy I'm so sorry!"

"None of it was your fault Phina. I was older I should have known better." His voice is gentle but he wishes he could go back in time and throttle his spineless teen self. "Keep going."

"They had me take another pregnancy test. Then I put on one of those gowns, I still hate them. I was alone in the room with the doctor and nurse. Your dad didn't want to come in, I was happy he wasn't there. They gave me some anesthetics and dilated me. I didn't really know what they were doing, I had to look all of this up later.

I couldn't see what they were doing but it hurt, like the worst cramps I have ever had. It was the suction part that hurt me the most. I knew exactly what was happening then...they were sucking my baby right out of me! I felt like everything that was good and innocent was being taken out of my body.

When it was done I asked them if I was going to be allowed to bury her, they told me that there was noting to bury, I wasn't far enough along for the fetus to be more than a bundle of cells. They told me it wouldn't look like a baby even if I saw it. I wanted to see! I wanted to say good bye!" She was near breaking, Ted could feel it.

Wrapping her back in his arms he shushed her, rocking them both on the bed. Phina wasn't the only one crying. Hearing this, knowing he hadn't been man enough to stand up to his father and thirteen-year old Phina had gone through that alone, it wounded his very soul. Phina had more to tell. "I don't know what your father told daddy, but I spent the night at your house. I was supposed to be pretending that I was having a happy sleep over with Phoebe and Ella but I was still cramping and I just wanted you.

When your sisters fell asleep I snuck into your room, put on one of your old tees and fell asleep in your bed. I know your dad found me in there, but he didn't say anything and didn't make me leave." Phina is looking him in the eye again, begging him to understand. Pleading with him to say he felt the same.

"I was such a coward, and an idiot. I'd give everything I have now to have been there with you. I'll do every thing in my power to be with you now. I'm never going to leave you again." Phina is still crying, and so is he. All they can do now is hold each other close and cry.

**Christian Grey looked** down at his sleeping wife. After over thirty years of marriage he still couldn't figure out how he'd gotten so lucky. Ana and the children are his life. Even his stubborn son. He heaves a frustrated sigh every time he thinks about Ted. Christian knows that Ted and Phina had both suffered from the events of so long ago.

He'd done what he thought best for everyone. The baby would have been the result of a crime. Knowing Taylor, the man would have pressed charges on Ted for statutory rape,,, and Christian wouldn't have blamed him for it!

With Phina's one little sentence "I'm pregnant!" he'd seen the future of his entire family flushed down the drain. Ted would be prosecuted in a very public trial, the family name dragged through the mud. The boy would lose his place at Harvard, his life ruined by one incredibly stupid mistake.

And Phina! The poor thing had been thirteen years old! If it had been Ella coming to him with that confession he'd have done the same thing... well almost. He would have kept it quiet for her sake as well but he would have killed the boy. Poor Phina had been so fragile and vulnerable, but he had done his best by her as well.

He paid her way through college. She probably could have gotten by with scholarships, but she didn't need any more stress. He smoothed out a few rough edges he found in her recording contract before she was allowed to sign it. He worked hand in hand with Taylor to be sure her security team was the best money could buy.

Christian hated keeping things from Ana, but this was one thing she didn't need to know. With her tender heart she never would have agreed to his plan of action. The abortion had been the best solution for all parties. He knew that if Taylor ever found out it would be the end of their friendship, but neither of the kids were talking and neither was he.

The poor girl had spent the past twelve years in pain, Christian was aware of that. But Teddy haven't spoken to him since that day, he had no real way of knowing what was going on with him. Ana had begged them both to put whatever they were keeping from her behind them but Teddy would never forgive him. Christian had said some things he didn't mean that day, and his actions had hurt them all. But he stands by his decision. Now that the two are adults and are spending time together maybe they can work things out together.

**Gail opens Phina's** bedroom door at seven in the morning. She saw her daughter stomping up the stairs around nine last night, with Teddy hot on her heels, neither had come back down. The frame is cracked and one of the hinges is bent. The door opens with a squeal. Teddy and Phina are curled up on the bed together, legs intertwined, holding on to one another for dear life.

Teddy lifts his head when she comes in and grimaces. He knows that it didn't look too good for Mrs. Taylor to find him in bed with Phina, but at least they are both dressed. They cried together for the loss of their unborn child. She didn't agreed to be with him, but she didn't ask him to leave either. When her sobs turned to shuddering breaths he kissed her forehead, tucked a blanket around them both and fallen asleep with her in his arms.

Ted presses a finger to his lips, hoping she will understand. She nods and backs out of the room. When the door closes behind her, he breaths a sigh of relief. That could have gone a lot worse. "Phina, sweetie wake up." he places a kiss in her hair and gently shakes her shoulder.

"Huh?" she blinks her bleary eyes up at him. "Teddy?"

"I have some where I have to be this morning, but I want to see you tonight. Will you come out with me?"

Phina is still half asleep, "I'd rather you just get back in the bed. I'm cold," She complains. Teddy pulls the throw from the bottom of the bed and puts it over her.

He kisses the side of her head and whispers, "Go back to sleep, I'll see you tonight."

"OK." She mutters from under her blanket. It is Sophie who comes in next, Phina peeks over the edge of the blanket and glares at her sister. "It's too early for this!" She groans. She isn't ready to hear about how in love Sophie and Teddy are after the night she had.

Sophie sits on the edge of the bed and fingers a lock of Phina's new do. "I like this," She is smiling. "but I don't think your new manger is going to be too crazy about it." Phina wasn't really thinking about her career when she made the decision.

"Anyway, I want you to know that I know about you and Teddy." Phina stiffens. "It's OK. He and I had a nice little chat yesterday. We both agree that we love each other, but not like that. I am joining an online dating service, see if I can find myself a man who isn't madly in love with my sister." Sophie wraps and arm around Phina's shoulders. "I love you, you know?"

"We'll always be sisters, let's not let some man get between us." Phina pleads. As much as she has felt jealousy towards her sister, Sophie had been there when Teddy wasn't. Even with the animosity that was formed over their shared love for the man, they had stayed together. No man is worth the love that is between sisters.

"He has before and he will again, but we'll still be sisters. Now, Teddy texted me this morning. He is planning something special for you tonight. Let's get you ready!"


	11. Chapter 11

**Taylor walks into** his living room and freezes. Before him is a sight he never thought he'd see again. His girls, both of them, and Christian's two daughters are sitting on the floor laughing. Phina is laughing! Each young woman has a glass of white wine (taken from Christian's personal wine cellar) and is undergoing some form of 'beauty' treatment.

Sophie's soft blond hair is up in curlers. Phoebe has that weird spreader thing women put between their toes, getting them painted by Phina. Phina's face is covered in shades of pastel makeup that has transformed her from her usual depressing self into a laughing angel. Ella is having wax and strips of cloth applied to her legs by Sophie.

"Good morning Mr. Taylor!" Phoebe looks up from her pedicure to grin at him. All of the girls stop what they are doing and greet him. Taylor is unable to respond, speechless by the smile on Phina's face, the real smile that reaches her eyes.

While he stands there like a dumbstruck idiot Phina gets up and walks over to him. "Good morning daddy." She says before wrapping her slim little arms around him and hugging him tight. Taylor unfreezes as she starts to pull away and pulls her into him. He buries his face in her sweet smelling blue hair.

"Oh, my baby!" He says on a choked sob. He hadn't seen the sparkle in her eyes since the day Ted left for collage three months early. Every one had done every thing in their power to cheer her up, Christian had even let her drive his favorite car (at the time) and then took her out to an expensive dinner. She had spent many nights at the Grey's house with the girls, but nothing had worked.

Seeing her like that, laughing and truly happy, after so many years of despair...he is overwhelmed with emotion and tears spill down his cheeks. "It's OK daddy. Please don't cry." She begs.

"I'm just so happy!" Sophie is up and moving towards her father who pulls her into the hug. The three stay that way for what seems like forever. Taylor finally releases his girls and smiles. "It's good to see the two of you so happy." He sniffles.

"Do you want to join us Mr. Taylor?" Ella holds up a set of the toe spreader things.

"NO thank you ladies. You can keep your torture devices to yourself." He picks up a metal contraption that looks down right dangerous. "What is this thing?" Sophie pulls it from him and puts it up to her eyes.

"It's an eye lash curler."

"Like I said, I'm quite happy with my lashes uncurled." He plays off his emotional moment and rushes away. Taylor has no idea what has changed but he's happy it has.

The two Taylor girls sit back in their places and smile at their friends. Phina is truly happy to be home. For the first time in twelve years she can smile and laugh without feeling guilty about it. Who knew that one real discussion with Teddy would lift years of weight off her shoulders. She didn't have to bear the pain alone, she didn't have to be alone.

"So, any idea where Teddy is taking you?" Phoebe asks with a knowing little smile on her face. Phina shakes her head, she didn't even want to guess. It seemed so surreal to be going on a date with him. "Well he is rich, maybe not as rich as daddy, but rich enough. Daddy does romantic things for mama all the time, like renting out entire restaurants. I bet Teddy will do something like that."

"I don't think so," Sophie puts in. "Teddy has always been more of a picnic kind of guy. I think he'll take her somewhere private and feed her peeled grape."

"Peeled grapes?" Phina makes a face, grapes are a weird enough food, but having them peeled would make the slimy.

"It's supposed to be romantic." Ella says with an exasperated sigh. "Seriously, didn't those hunky famous guys do anything romantic with you?"

"Honestly most of those relationships were just publicity stunts. His manager and mine, Sophie, would arrange for us to be seen in public together. We acted besotted and shared a few kisses then pretended to have horrible breakups. It's something for the magazines to report on. In reality, I don't have much time for men." She takes a sip of her wine, pleased to see the shocked looks on her friends' faces.

Sophie confirmed her story. "Well that's true, but you did date a few guys seriously."

"Yeah, and they all turned out to be emotionally stunted losers."

"Oh honey, all men are that way." Phoebe takes a long sip from her own glass. "Now, what were you planning on wearing?"

Phina shrugs. "He didn't tell me where we were going," She shoots an accusing look to her sister who gives her a doe eyed innocent look. "I don't remember saying yes to a date... I was asleep."

"Whether you said yes or not, you have to dress appropriately. Do you have any nice dresses? What am I saying… you're famous, of course you have nice dresses."

Sophie holds up a hand. "Everything she owns is black! We can't let her go out in any of her own cloths."

"Not all black!" Phina denies.

"Oh, OK then, you have a few shades of gray." Phina smiles and nods.

"What size are you in now?"

"Ella! It's rude to ask a woman her weight!"

"I didn't ask your weight, I asked your size. I'm fitting into an eight these days, I need to know if my clothes will fit or hand of you like old rags."

"I'll fit an eight." Phina admits. These women are her friends, what can it hurt to admit to them that she'd had one twinkie to many?

"Phina!" Sophie snaps. "I can see the disgust on your face. Eight is not fat, hell, it's down right skinny! Do you think Ella is fat?"

"No!" Phina is appalled by the suggestion. "Ella is stunning!"

"Since you and she are the same size than you can't possibly be fat."

"It's not that I think I'm fat. Ella is stunningly beautiful..."

"You are gorgeous! Well you were before your hair turned blue. Ted must think you're something special, even with the blue hair, seeing how he saw you and still wants to date you. So get over yourself and come let us chose you a suitable dress." Ella pulls her best friend to her feet and heads out the door with the other girls following. Phina is cringing. It has been years since she let anyone choose her clothes for her, she fired her stylist years ago. This can't be fun!

**Christian is sitting** in his office, in the very same place he'd been twelve years ago after he'd overheard Phina's confession. He and Ana have been fighting lately and it was mainly his fault. With the two children spending so much time together, he has been agitated and worried that the truth would soon come out. Ana knew him well enough to know when he was hiding something and she was continually pestering him about it.

He scrubbed his hands over his face and ran them through his hair. He didn't want to argue with his beloved wife, he didn't want to spend the rest of his life at odds with his only son. Christian just wished he knew how to make everything better. He wanted to go back to when Teddy thought of his father as a super hero who could do no wrong. He wanted not to feel that niggle of guilt every time he and Taylor were alone.

A knock sounded at the door and he is startled to see Ted standing there. "Can I come in?" Christian gives a terse nod. His son hadn't sought him out for twelve long years. Christian remembers a time when Ted had come to him with everything.

Ted sits in the chair opposite his father, the same chair Phina had once sat in hugging herself and crying. "Son." Christian isn't sure what to say. He hates this awkwardness between him and his boy!

"I know how weird this is, so I'll just come out with it shall I? I want you to apologize to Phina." Christian starts at this. He isn't sure what he was expecting but that wasn't it. "Let me finish." Ted demands before Christian can say anything. "I want to have a future with her, and I can't until the entire past has been cleared away. She has spent the past twelve years vilifying us, and it has to end."

Christian doesn't know what to say, he isn't sure he's sorry for his actions. One thing he is sure of is he can't let his usual hardheadedness be a barrier between him and his son any longer. "Theodore, I agree that a discussion between the three of us is long over due. But I think an apology is out of question. I am not sorry that I demanded she have an abortion. If Phina had carried that baby to term, assuming she and the child would have survived, there was more than a chance that her father would have had you arrested.

I am sorry about the way things turned out, and I will tell her as much. I was not willing to let the two of you ruin your lives over some stupid mistake. I stand by what I did and would do it again if I had to." The office door swings open and Ana enters the room. Her arms are crossed over her chest and she is not smiling.

"Mom!"

"Anastasia?" Christian stands and reaches for his wife, she doesn't let him touch her. Christian knows she overheard their conversation. "Baby, Ted was just leaving. You and I can discuss what you just heard in privet tonight." he holds out his hand to her again.

Ana glares at him. "Explain, now." she isn't yelling. Only disapproval shows on her still beautiful face. Ted doesn't want to explain anything to his mother, but he sure as hell doesn't want her to hear his father's side of the story.

With a deep breath and short prayer to Faith for strength, he tells his mother all about what happened twelve years ago. He doesn't tell her that Phina instigated the elicit encounter, just that she had been a wiling participant. He doesn't want his parents to ever think anything negative about Phina. When he gets to the part about Christian's involvement his father cringes.

Ted explains how he understands that Christian was concerned for everyone's future. But the abortion hadn't been what he or Phina wanted. Ana listens, her face impassive. She had watched her husband and son drift further and further apart. She had seen Phina fall to pieces, but there had been nothing she could do about any of it. If her husband had come to her with the information instead of making such rash decisions, all of their lives might have been different.

After what seems like an eternity she speaks calmly, but firmly. "I didn't raise my son not to take responsibility for anything wrong he's done. I didn't accept it when he was a boy and I will certainly not accept it now he's a man". Christian tries to say something to her, but she holds up a hand in warning and continues talking.

"This is not about you and me, Christian, but be certain that we'll both deal with your keeping this from me for twelve years later. This is about these two kids who royally screwed up and have been paying a high price for it". She looks between Christian and Ted, clearly not happy with either of them. "You need to come clean, and then you should both ask for Gail's and Jason's forgiveness. You deceived them to protect yourselves and our family, but ended up brutally hurting their family by doing so. It's the least I expect from you two".

_**(for those of you asking there will be lemons coming up soon! :-p) I just want to take a minuet and thank my Betareader Chloe Smith2**__** for all her wonderful suggestions and hard work!**_


	12. Chapter 12

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it

Read more: Q/Who_said_Those_who_ignore_history_are_bound_to_repeat_it#ixzz22WlcHy8l

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it

Read more: Q/Who_said_Those_who_ignore_history_are_bound_to_repeat_it#ixzz22WlcHy8l

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it

Read more: Q/Who_said_Those_who_ignore_history_are_bound_to_repeat_it#ixzz22WlcHy8l

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it

Read more: Q/Who_said_Those_who_ignore_history_are_bound_to_repeat_it#ixzz22WlcHy8l

** It's five o'clock** and Phina had been primped and is ready for her date, or as ready as she is ever going to be. She still can't believe that she is going on her first date with the man that she has both loved and hated her entire life. She doesn't think she's ever been this nervous! Her palms are sweating and she might break out in hives at any moment.

The car that Teddy pulls up in is the farthest from what she'd been expecting. Phina thought he'd drive sexy sports cars like his father, not the 1937 Lincoln model K that he is currently driving. He pops out of the driver's side and dashes over to her with a huge smile on his face, as if this car is his pride and joy.

He freezes when only a few inches in front of her. His eyes widen and he is staring intently. Phina wants to dash back inside and cover herself with the usual black. The sky-blue, knee length, A line dress is pretty, and it goes well with her new hair, but it isn't something she ever would have chosen for herself.

Phina brushes her hands over the skirt and looks down self-consciously. "What?" he couldn't find anything wrong with the dress, aside from it's being blue.

"You look...wow! I mean...wow!" Ted is speechless. Phina's cheeks turn a pretty pink under the light dusting of shimmer powder her sister had carefully applied.

"Wow good, or Wow-what-a-fat-cow?" She is twisting her hands together in front of her.

"Wow Amazing. I do believe you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on." He is breathless. Phina lets herself relax a bit and looks him over. If he didn't look so sexy in it she might burst out laughing at what he is wearing. He has donned a tailored, pinstriped, zoot suit (minus the pants pulled up to his ears), that admittedly goes very well with his mobster car.

"Look at you!" He holds his arms out to the sides and spins.

"You like?"

"You look like a much hotter version of Al Capone." He grins from ear to ear and hold out his hand for her. She takes it and lets him lead her to his antique car.

"As a matter of fact, the man I bought this car from swore that it belonged to his great-grandfather who was supposedly one of Capone's enforcers. I couldn't verify all of the facts, but it would seem we are driving tonight in a murder machine!" His eyes were ablaze with pure delight. "I thought you of all people, with your tendency towards all things Macabre and melancholic, could appreciate my little pet here." He pats the car lovingly.

"I didn't know you had an interest in antique cars." She looks again at the vehicle in question. It is a testament to man's ingenuity, with glossy black paint, all curvy lines and shiny metal. She has to admit that the beauty of the design, the fact that it still runs, and its unique history has her drawn like a moth to the flame. Phina reaches out a hand and runs her fingers over the fine metal trim.

"I'm not particularly interested in cars, well cars in general that is. It's the history that draws me in. Did you know that I minored in history in college?" She didn't know that. Phina studied him for a moment, trying to consolidate solemn lawyer Theodore with historian Teddy.

"You are interested in history then?" He nods.

"It is more that I want to know why things are the way they are. Why we say and do the things we do. It is like George Santayana wrote, 'those who cannot remember the past are doomed to relive it'." Teddy looks down at her with sorrow filled eyes. "There are a lot of things in my past I wouldn't care to relive, so I have a healthy respect for history."

Phina can understand that, their shared past was full of pain and regret. But like he had said the other night, it wasn't all bad. "There were a few things I wouldn't mind doing again." she tells him, remembering happier times, like Teddy teaching her to do the back float in his parents' pool.

Teddy brightens at this his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Well, there are two parts to our date this evening. If you are still taking to me after the first part than you and I are going to relive one of my fonder memories."

Teddy's old car is more fun to ride in than Phina had thought it would be. They take a spin through town and children stop and point. Phina isn't sure if people are impressed by the car or they recognize her with blue hair, but she waves anyway. She is still confused by Teddy's cryptic remark about the possibility of her not speaking to him after the first part of their date when he pulls into a particularly large cemetery.

She sits up a little straighter in her seat. "Umm... Teddy?' He glances over at her but doesn't say any thing. "I know I sing that song about picnicking with the grim reaper in a grave yard, but I'm not really that depraved. I think it would be disrespectful to actually have a date here." She looks around nervously.

"It's not what you think." His words are soft and calm. When he stops the car and opens her door for her and Phina still hesitates. "I promise that if you don't like it and are mad at me I'll take you back home." She nods and lets him lead her across the grass.

Phina recognizes where she is when they pass a hunk of pink granite nearly as tall as she is that has one word engraved into it 'GREY'. "We are in your family plot?" He nods and keeps walking, puling her along by the hand. When Ted finally stops they are in front of a small white stone topped with a tiny white lamb.

Ted drops to his knees and pulls her down with him. "White for innocence and purity." He touches the little lamb figure. "Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy on us." There are tears in his eyes. "It is perfect, just like they promised." Phina had been staring at Ted's face, a mask of pain. She turns to look more closely at the stone and her heart stops.

"Faith Grey, we will hold you in our hearts until you can be in our arms." She reads the inscription on the stone.

Ted's eyes are on her, full of worry. "After hearing you talk about her not having a grave last night I called the people who made my great-grandparents stones. They rushed this for me. It cost a fortune, but I wanted it ready for you to see tonight. Now we have a place to come and talk to her, even if she isn't really here...she is everywhere."

Phina doesn't speak for a long while, she is studying the grave marker. The stone glistens in the waning light of the setting sun. The tiny lamb on top is finely carved and has precious features. A vine is intricately carved all around the stone, with tiny white buds that will never open. "Roses?" She asks, reaching out a hand to trace one of the beautifully inlaid flowers.

"They mean a lot of things, unfailing love, and hope. The Virgin Mary was the rose without thorns. Like her, they will never get a chance to grow." They are both crying again. From behind them someone clears their throat and they spin around. A priest in his black clothes with the white starched collar is looking down on their touching scene. "I hope you don't mind but I asked Father Tom to come hear our confessions."

Phina isn't sure what to think about this. Just a few days ago she had been afraid to tell anyone about her unborn baby and the mistakes she'd made in her past. Now Ted was here with her, in a graveyard, showing her their child's gravestone and asking her if she wanted to confess her sins and be forgiven. "Dear children, The Father loves you", the priest tells them. Ted stands and shakes hands with Father Tom.

"Father, forgive me it has been twelve years since my last confession." Phina listens as Ted pours his heart out to the priest, telling him how he feels like it is all his fault and has been blaming himself for his own and Phina's pain and suffering. He leaves out all mention of Phina's having blackmailed him. That was not his sin to confess.

"It wasn't your fault!" The words just burst out of her before she can stop it. The priest looks at her disapprovingly. "Sorry" she mumbles, but she is now standing beside Teddy, holding his hand.

When Teddy is done, Father Tom turns to her expectantly. Phina copies Teddy. "Forgive me Father for I have sinned... and I've never confessed before." She has been looking down at her feet but peeks up at him from under her ashes and mumbles, "My parents aren't religious." When Father Tom doesn't rebuff her as she thinks he should, she continues, recounting her own version of what happened. Not leaving out for one second how she had forced Teddy to make love to her. Taking upon herself all of the blame for everything that had happened. By the time she is done teddy had wrapped her in his arms and again they are crying.

"You are forgiven", the priest says. "God forgave you both before you even committed your sins. Confessing them and is simply a formality. The Lord knows what is in your heart, and the two of you are both truly sorry for the wrongs you have done. I don't think that it is God whom you need to be asking for forgiveness, it is yourselves and each other."

Father Tom looks at them, wrapped in each other's arms, pointedly. "I have preformed enough marriage ceremonies and presided over divorces, I know true love when I see it. I don't think I have seen a couple who loves each other as much as the two of you do. You need to let go of this pain and move on."

"But the baby..." Phina begins.

"Is safe in the arms of God until you can join her in heaven. I guarantee that she bares her parents no ill will. She would what you to be happy, as she undoubtedly is." he looks down at his watch and back up at them. "Now id YOU will forgive ME, I have to be at mass in a few minuets." Making the sign of the cross towards them he says. "Go forth and be merry, God has absolved you of your sins. Peace be with you."

"And also with you." Teddy says before the priest turns and walks away. They are quiet for a long time. Holding on to each other and staring down at the little stone.

"You put the stone in your family plot. Don't you think you mother and sisters will notice?" Phina finally says. Teddy is relieved that Phina didn't scream at him for daring to buy the baby a stone. He had believed she would be happy with it, but unsure. Her reaction has been better than even he'd hoped for.

"My mother knows, Phina." Her head shoots up. Those dark chocolate eyes lock with his in shock. "She wants us, you me and my father to confess to everyone and ask their forgiveness." She tries to pull away but he stops her. "She is right, in order for the two of us to have complete closure we need to be on hundred percent open with everyone. And we need to speak to my father privately first."

Phina wants to reject what he is saying, she doesn't want to forgive Christian Grey, it is hard enough to consider forgiving herself. But Teddy is right, if she wants to move on with her life, be with Teddy, and be happy... she has to let go


	13. Chapter 13

** The long ride** in Teddy's sexy old car is steeped in silence. She doesn't ask him where they are going or what else he has planned, Phina isn't sure her heart can take any more of his surprises. All she can think about is what her family is going to say when she and Teddy stand before them and confess their sins...again. It had felt good to speak to the priest, to hear some one other than Teddy tell her that Faith had forgiven her. Would her mother forgive her?

She knew damn well that Daddy would never talk to her again. She was afraid that Jason Taylor would lose his mind and kill both Ted and Christian-and possibly her. She had never wanted to lie to her family, it had killed her to keep the truth from them. Being with them these past few days, feeling the tentative happiness creep into her soul, it had been close to heaven.

The week was almost up, her parents will go back to work- her mother cooking and cleaning and her father protecting the Grey family. Teddy will return to his important position as a lawyer, Ella and Phoebe will go back to doing whatever it is they do. And she'll be back in a recording studio on the other side of the country.

Phina is sure she can get an entire album of angst filled songs for her fans out of this past week's inspiration, but can she stand singing them for the world to hear? In the past, baring her soul on stage was her way of calling out for Ted's attention, and punishing herself. She was sure her parents would listen to her songs, hear the hidden meaning and learn her deepest darkest secret. Now that she and Ted were about to out right tell them there won't be much of a point in singing about it.

Phina snaps back to the present when Ted turns down a winding, unlit, dirt road. "Where are we?" She hasn't been paying any attention to the road for the past twenty minuets. She looks out the window to the dark forest rushing past.

Ted gives her a sad, unsure, smile. "We're headed to my house. I told you there was more to this date than the cemetery trip." When she looks at him with trepidation his heart breaks a little. Ted isn't sure he can take any more of her pain. "This part is supposed to be fun, I swear." The house they finally stopped at, the only hosed on the road, is an adorable log cabin.

"This is your house?" Her voice is incredulous. The car, the house, the cemetery…all little pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that she is struggling to fit together to see the full picture that is Teddy.

"I'll understand if you just want to go home, I don't know what I was thinking." Ted hangs his head. He looks so dejected, despite the part of her screaming to go home and cry alone in her room again, she can't let either of them suffer nay more.

"You thought that the two of us needed a special place to morn, and doing it together is better than suffering in silence."

The corners of his lips twitch upwards. "I really don't think singing about it constitutes as silence." When she gasps and turns full around to face him, a full smile spreads across his handsome face. "I just wish I could sing as well as you, I can't carry a tune." He looks so amazingly wonderful smiling, a real smile, like she hasn't seen in forever.

She can't resist this teasing, happy Ted. "I know that's true, I cringed every time you had to sing 'Happy Birthday'." The sound of his laugh is sweeter than honey.

Teddy opens the passenger door and holds out a hand to assist her from the car. Instead of leading her into the house, as she expected, he pulls her around the side. Phina guesses that Ted will never do what she expects him to, making being with him more than exciting.

Phina's breath catches in her lungs when they round the house and she sees what Teddy has waiting for her. This isn't another melancholic memorial to unborn children, or priests waiting to hear confessions. In the middle of Ted's backyard is the inflatable bouncy castle she recognizes from her childhood. "Teddy?" She had so many questions, not the least of which was how he had tracked down an exact replica of her fifth-birthday bounce house. "I can't believe you even remembered this."

"Who could forget the coldest night of their lives spent alone in an inflated caste with you?" He is smiling at her with such tenderness.

"It was cold, wasn't it? I'd forgotten about that."

"I didn't." He gives an exaggerated shiver.

"I was sure you'd make me go inside with everyone else, but you didn't." She looks up at him, big brown eyes searching for some clue as to what he is thinking. "Why?"

"I was in love with you even then. Of course I didn't realize it until recently." He flashes her a rueful smile. "I wish I would have realized it sooner, I might have saved us both a lot of heartache." Ted tugs her hand and Phina lets him pull her into his arms. She tilts her head up just as he leans down and their lips meet.

It is a slow gentle kiss at first, neither sure of the other. When Phina lets go of his hand to wrap her arms around his neck, Ted holds her close and deepens the kiss. His tongue plunges into her moth and she opens to him happily. They lose themselves in the kiss, forgetting even their need to breath. When they break apart he smiles against her soft lips. "Let's go inside."

Phina pulls Ted's hand towards the backdoor, images of lying beneath him in his big bed, panting with desire. Ted shakes his head and nods towards the bounce house. "Teddy..." She starts to protest. Before she can say anything else she is lifted into his arms.

"I seem to remember having to force you inside once before, then not being able to get you out."

"We aren't kids anymore Ted." She says before his mouth descends on hers in a long kiss that quiets her protests. Obligingly, Phina wiggles her feet, kicking off her shoes, before Ted shoves her inside unceremoniously.

He climbs in after her and is standing over her with an impish smile. Phina reaches up her hands, meaning to guide him down on top of her. Instead, Ted takes her hands and pulls her to her feet. "What are you doing?" Phina had thought that the entire point of reminding her of their shared love during their childhood was to get her in bed.

Ted begins to bounce, letting her go and backing away. "Come on Saraphina, come play with me!" He calls and begins to jump in earnest.

"Theodore!" She plants her hands on her hips and pretends to scowl at him. "I'm gonna tell on you if you don't stop teasing me." She threatens him, the same way she had so many times in the past.

"Don't be such a baby!" He taunts, jumping higher and higher. The floor of the bounce house moves under her. Phina's knees buckle and she has to bounce with him to keep from falling. A reluctant smile crosses her face and she jumps towards him.

Teddy continues to back away, laughing as her grasping hands miss him by inches. "Teddy..." Phina whines, still stalking him around and around.

"Are you having fun yet?" She is laughing now too, fondly remembering all the times her whining had gotten her what she wanted with him. Still pretending, Phina stops in the middle and bats her long, anything but childish lashes at him. Her full kissable lips pout and she looks more sultry than childish.

Ted stops jumping and walks toward her, intent on kissing that look right off her beautiful face. When he is within arms reach Phina flashes a wicked grin before pouncing. They tumble to the floor and land in a tangle of limbs. Phina is giggling girlishly when they stop rolling and Ted is on top of her. "The answer is definitely yes, Teddy... I am having fun!" she lifts her head and plants a quick, chaste, kiss on his lips.

"Good." His voice is a deep rumble in his chest. He returns the kiss but she pulls back.

"Where in the world did you find this?" She looks around the inside in wonder. "It's like re-living that day, only better. Back then I couldn't do this." She kisses the 'V' of skin showing above his open collar.

Ted sucks in a breath at having her mouth on him. "It...ahh...It was in the attic of my dad's study." He manages to get out. Her tongue is tracing little circles over his Adam's apple.

"What? Why? How?" Phina is confused. If they had it all along, why doesn't she remember playing in it after her party? As she waits for his answer she busies her fingers with unbuttoning his shirt and running her sexy little fingers over his well muscled chest.

"When we kids showed such an affinity for the thing at your party my father bought it. Like with all things we got bored of it quickly. They packed it up, put it in the attic, and forgot about it. I didn't remember about it until your sister said something the other day." At the mention of Sophie Phina stops her ministrations.

Shit! The last thing he wants to do is discuss his relationship with her older sister. Phina seems to be of the same mind because her little hands start moving again. "I can't believe she remembered it either." She says.

Phina starts shoving at his shirt and coat, pushing it off of him. Ted sits up long enough to remove the offending items. When he moves to cover her again Phina scoots down so that her face is even with his chest. Her tiny pink tong darts out to flick over his flat nipples, hardening them into pebbles. "Oh god Phina." He moans. She looks up giving him her most innocent pout.

"What?" She bats those long, thick, dark lashes again and gives him a sexy sweet smile. "Don't you like it?" Her pretty lips are pursed together, begging for his kiss. With herculean effort Ted gathers his wits. Grabbing onto her he rolls them over fast so she doesn't have time to squirm away.

"Yes." He growls. "I like it." She isn't fighting when he reaches for the hem of her now rumpled dress and pulls it up. Phina obligingly lifts her hips and helps him move the dress up over her head. Her pale skin, having gained almost no color from her brief tanning session, glows with pearly luminescence in the light of the rising full moon.

The spaghetti thin straps of the dress had meant she couldn't wear a bra with it. Witch is convenient for Teddy as he gazes down with lust filled eyes at her pert little breast. Seeing where he is looking Phina brings her hands up to try and cover herself; she can't help but compare herself to her sister. Her breast are smaller that Sophie's, and her nipples are puffier with a darker color.

"Don't!" The deep growl of his voice sends shivers down her spine. "You are perfect." One of his big hands cups the underside of her breast and she gasp when he brushed the nipple with his thumb. "You have the most beautiful body I have ever seen. Do you know that?" She shakes her head. Phina's eyes are wide as she watches his head descends so he can catch the nipple he isn't fondling with his hand in his mouth.

"Ted!" she gasps in surprise at how good it feels to have his mouth on her bare flesh. He smiles against her skin and gives the now hard nipple a long leisurely stroke with his tongue.

"You taste amazing!" His voice is muffled from his face being press against the swell of her breast. He isn't lying.

The past week of doing nothing but holding her in his arms while she cried has been torture. He swears that tonight, and every other night for as long as she will let him, she was going to cry out in pleasure.

Slowly Ted kisses a path down her torso, stopping to nip at the jewel in her bellybutton. Her hands are on his shoulders, kneeing at his flesh. When he reaches the waistband of her lacy blue thong he stops and breaths in her delightful scent. Phina shudders at the sensual look of bliss on his face as he inhales her scent. Using his teeth Teddy tugs her panties down and then off of her body.

He holds up one long, slim leg and kisses her big toe, the instep, heel, then calf. His tongue darts and licks at the underside of her knee while his eyes are locked with hers. When he reaches her inner thigh Teddy stops, sucking in a harsh shocked breath. Phina is trying to pull her leg out of his grip but her holds tight, eyes glued to the river of razor thin scars that mar the delicate skin of her sweet thighs.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Lemons in this chapter-read at your own discretion! **_

** The marks, proof** of her long ago self abuse, glow silver in the light of the moon. She might as well have plunged a knife into his heart, it would have had a similar effect. "Phina, oh Phina." he breaths out her name, as his free hand stokes gently over the scars that deface the tender skin.

"Don't!" She tries to twist her leg out of his grasp, but he tightens he hold and continues to inspect her disfigured thighs. "Teddy please, I don't want us to cry any more tonight." Phina's big brown eyes are once again filled with sorrow, a deep rueful suffering that he knows is his fault.

"When?" He chokes out the word. She doesn't answer, just looks up at him with those eyes that seem to dominate the pretty face. "When did you do this?" She shakes her head. She doesn't want him to think about the marks that he will undoubtedly find on other parts of her body. She doesn't want Teddy to blame himself for the life she has led or the things that have happened to her.

Sitting up, Phina reaches out and cups his face. It is an awkward position, sitting with him holing her foot up over his head while she runs her fingers over the bit of stubble he missed on his jaw. "Teddy, it was a long time ago. There was a clause in my recording contract about mental health; by contract I have to speak to a therapist once a week. If I start cutting again, or attempt suicide, they can institutionalize me."

He studies her with his astute blue gaze, those eyes that make her heart race and her pulse flutter. He can see through to her soul with those mesmerizing eyes. Without another word he turns his head into her hand and kisses her palm, before lightly nipping it. She pulls back in surprise, loses her balance, and is once more flat on her back in the fun-house.

Teddy smirks. "I seem to have that effect on you, don't I?" Phina tilts her head to the side in silent question. "Whenever I'm around you just have the urge to fall backwards with your legs in the air."

"I only have one leg in the air, and you're the one holding it there." She points out, happy to have Teddy back in a playful sexy mood. Phina isn't sure how much more crying she can do before her head explodes. And if he doesn't make love to her soon, her entire body might explode.

"I can fix that!" The playful glint in his eyes excites her more than anything else ever has. She'd had a few other lovers who had excited her body, but none of them had managed to engage her heart the way Teddy could.

Without warning, Ted lifts her other foot into the air and in a flash he is on top of her. Phina doesn't even consider fighting him. With a giggle of pure delight she wraps those long legs of hers around his waist and pulls him closer. His hot hard kiss stifles their laughter. He kisses her until they are both breathless and panting with lust.

"Why," she says between heaving breaths. "Am I... naked... and you are still... almost fully dressed?" She is planting little kisses along his jaw, down his throat, and across his chest.

"That is a problem easily solved." He is reaching for the button of his pants but Phina pushes his hands away and does the task herself. His full erection slides into her hand and she gives it an affectionate squeeze. The minxish smile on her face is all the warning he has before she moves.

In a flash Phina has flipped them, having not expected it Ted doesn't put up a fight and finds himself on his back beneath the beautiful vixen who is smiling down at him. The inflated castle bounces and rolls under them, adding an extra edge of excitement to the proceedings. "Well would you look what we have here." she is still gripping his raging hard on and looking at him so mischievously Ted isn't sure if he should be excited or worried. She slides down his body, pushing his pants and boxers down around his ankles where he finishes kicking them off.

She is lying between his thighs, nose to nose with his throbbing dick. Those dark chocolate eyes sparkle and lock with his as she takes him into her mouth. "God Phina!" He shouts, his hands instinctively move to her head, but there isn't enough hair left to wrap around his fingers, so he settled for smoothing his hands over her now short blond locks. Her head begins to bob up and down, and she makes a little moaning noise that vibrates his aching cock. "Yeah baby, just like that." Teddy groans.

Phina is exulting in her new found power over Teddy. For her entire life she has felt as if she belongs to him, endlessly trapped in his spell. But with his hips thrusting helplessly up towards her, reaching towards his release; Phina has all the power. Pulling back she runs her tongue up the underside of his shaft and gives another girlish giggle when it jumps in response. "You're killing me!" he growls. And she chuckles again.

"What is it you want Teddy? Tell me." She prods. She knows exactly what he wants, but wants to hear him say it.

"You baby, I NEED you!" Phina is a little shocked by his answer. She had expected him to demand she let him come, to beg for release. Not another affirmation of his love for her. She crawls up his body, heedless of the floor that wiggles under her hands and knees.

"Really Teddy?" he can't resist telling her the truth again, even thought there is a chance she'll throw his love back in his face once more. Her eyes searching his face are begging for him to prove his love to her. With a swift movement he flips them again, pressing his chest against hers to hold her still.

Ted looks deep into her soulful eyes and says. "I have wanted and needed only you for as long as I can remember. I love you Saraphina Taylor."

"Oh Teddy, I love you too!" she exclaims, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him down on top of her. The kiss they share is tender yet passionate and full of their shared love. Neither of them can wait any longer to be joined together, with an arch of her pack and a flex of his hips Teddy pushes inside her. This loving making is like nothing either of them had experienced before.

With other people it had just been about release, together it was about caring and loving and expressing those emotions that are so hard to put into words. They found the perfect rhythm together, his driving down and her arching up, each being helped and spurred on by the erratic motions of the inflated bounce house.

"Yes, Teddy! YES!" Phina's screams of pleasure spur him on. He pounds into her and she rakes her nails down his back. "God yes!" she is clutching at his shoulders and gasping out incoherent babble.

"Phina baby...I'm gonna... I have to..." He is groaning and moaning with her every movement

"Oh God Teddy...I"M COMING!" She screams. Her tight wet channel pulses and tightens around him and with a roar of his own Teddy pours himself into her.

The two lovers lay together in a tangle of sweaty limbs, panting and grinning like fools. It was so different from their first time together. Probably because they are now both consenting adults, Phina frowns at that thought. Teddy presses a tender kiss to her temple and smiles against the damp hair. "You OK?" He croaks.

"Better than OK." She tits her head up to smile at him and he can't help but take her mouth in another sweet kiss. When Phina shivers with delight Ted pulls back.

"It's getting cold out here, you ready to go in?"

"I knew you'd make me go inside eventually." she pouts.

"And it only took me twenty years to get up the nerve to do it." He is smiling. "I'm not spending another night in this thing." Teddy struggles to his feet and pulls her up with him. "Let's go inside for bed." Phina lets him lead her out of the bounce house, watching with delight as his naked body wiggles through the small opening. Then flushes red from head to toe as he watches her do the same. She follows him across his yard, watching the flex of mussels in his sexy butt. "I know you're looking at my ass."

Phina jumps at the sound of his sexy voice. She'd been so intent at staring at his now fully grown, well formed, sexy man's body she had forgotten everything else. Like the fact that she too was nude. "What can I say?" she shrugs when he looks back at her. "You have the nicest gluts I've ever seen."

They enter the house through a back door and he flips a switch flooding his good sized kitchen in light, his eyes move over her body, devouring the sight of her in all her naked glory. "You must not look at your posterior in the mirror too often then, because yours is the best ass this side of heaven."He is circling her in a predatory manner, like a wolf sniffing at his prey.

She gives an unladylike snort, "My butt looks like it is full of cottage cheese."

"I happen to like cottage cheese." to illustrate his point Teddy drops to his knees behind her. Phina gasps and tries to move away. Teddy grasps her hips in his big hands, leans forwards and kisses each of her butt cheeks.

"Theodore!" she shrieks and squirms out of his hold. Teddy watches as she runs blindly through his dark house. He lets out a deep chuckle when she discovers that his house is set up in a big circle and finds herself back in the kitchen with him. "It's not funny Theodore Raymond Grey! You can't just kiss a girl's butt!"

"I thought women wanted their butts to be kissed."

"Figuratively, not literally!" She crosses her arm over her exposed breasts and Ted laughs again. Instead of looking outraged and indigent, she was just enticing him more. A truly happy smile slowly spreads over Teddy's handsome face. He can't remember a time when he was this happy, or having this much fun. Ted suspects that the more time he spends with Phina, the more the pain from the past will dissipate.

After standing, Ted walks towards her, leisurely, still grinning like the village idiot. Too late Phina sees the glint in his eye. Before she can react he had her slung over his shoulder and is headed up a set of stairs she hadn't notices on her mad dash through his house. "Put me down right this minute!" Phina yells and wiggles, but she isn't really fighting him.

Teddy chuckles and swats her bottom. "That's enough out of you."

"Where are you taking me?" She demands, trying and failing to sound stern.

"To bed, where we will make madly wild and passionate love until we both collapse from exhaustion." Phina stops even pretending to fight him. After all, that's exactly what she wants to do. Being with Teddy blocks out the lingering pain from her old wounds, and stops her from thinking about the pain yet to come.


	15. Chapter 15

**Before he even** opens his eyes, Teddy knows something is wrong. He is alone in his king sized bed, which normally isn't wrong, but Phina had spent the night and the cold spot beside him should be occupied by a blue haired goddess. "Phina?" he croaks out, hoping against all rationality that she might be in the bathroom. No response.

Ted pulls on a pair of boxers and trudges downstairs, still half expecting to find her some where in his house. _Perhaps she is making breakfast._The house is empty, a piece of paper is stuck to his refrigerator with a tape. It is a shock to Teddy to realize that he has no magnets, his mother and Mrs. Taylor had always decorated their fridges with the children's art and notes to one another held up by colorful magnets.

Looking around his kitchen, and then mentally picturing every room in his big house... he can't remember buying a single decoration. It is a sad realization, that he never decorated his home. His own bedroom is bland. The walls are all the same sandy off white, the housekeeper who visited twice a week chose and hung the curtains. The only room in the house that had any personality was the library, filled with his favorite books, law texts and his computer. He'd even put a poster of a sexy sports-car on the wall to give him something to look at when he stared off into space.

He pulls down Phina's note and reads the words written in her slanted handwriting:

_Teddy,_

_I wish that this was easy, but nothing that is worth anything ever comes without a price. You and I can't be together until we...I mean I have put our past to bed. I have to speak to your father and my family alone. I know you won't like it; that is why I gave you no choice. I will come to your house tonight, if you still wish to see me after this, that is._

_Yours always,_

_Saraphina Taylor_

Teddy re-reads the note a few times before crumpling it in his fist. _Damn her!_He wants to be there when she confronts their perspective families, to shield her from their reactions. He knows that his father will cut off his right arm rather than hurt her again. But her own parents and sister, not to mention his sisters, have no inkling of the kind of pain she has been through. They won't be thinking of how much their reactions will hurt Phina, they will be fully set on their own wounded pride.

He is half way to the door when he remembers that he is in nothing but boxers. He doesn't care what he puts on in his mad dash to his expensive, built for speed, BMW that will get him to Phina faster that the Lincoln he drove her around in the previous night. The only thoughts in his head are of Phina and his desperate need to get to her.

**Christian Grey is **just as imposing and scary as Phina remembers him to be. He is seated in his big leather chair behind his even bigger desk, looking like a king on his throne. If she really thinks about it, Phina figures that analogy is right. Mr. Grey had risen to power, at least businessmen wise, at a very young age. He ruled his family with an iron fist and no one, not even Teddy, would challenge his authority. The man would not relinquish his power until the day his cold body was put in the ground. Even then Phina supposes his legacy and memory will hold sway over the hearts and minds of all who knew him.

For sure the memory of his disproving scowl will be imprinted on Phina's very soul for the duration on her life. "Mr. Grey..." She begins and stops. He is looking at her expectantly, waiting for something; but she has no idea what. What could she possibly say to this man who held such power over her very thoughts. Clearing her thoughts she tries again. "Mr. Grey, you need to know that it wasn't Ted's fault." She says at last. The infuriating man raises one brow. Clearly he does not believe her.

"I know that you thought it was all Teddy's fault, he let you think that to protect me. I was such a coward that I let him take the blame, but Teddy tried to tell me no. He did everything in his power to dissuade me, but I blackmailed him into it. He didn't want to...I forced him to have sex with me."

"Clearly your lust for my dishonorable son had blinded you to the facts. Your childish crush, even now, drives you to try and protect him from my anger." When Phina shakes her head and moves to speak, Christian cuts her off. "You are attempting to absolve him of his sins in my eyes, don't deny it. All these years later, you think I am unaware of what you held over his head to gain his cooperation. I knew they were sleeping together Phina, and so did your father. I disapproved, but they were both of legal age and there was nothing either of us could do about it."

Phina is dumb struck. The threat she had held over Teddy's head, her wounded leverage...had been useless. If only Teddy had known! "I knew even back then what had happened, I knew all about your Machiavellian scheme... you devious child you. And despite your involvement in the subterfuge I was and still am disappointed in my son".

"He should have come to me when you unveiled your little plot to him. He should have been a man and owned up to his faults. If he had been less of a coward, than your life, his life, all of our lives...perhaps would have been different. I can't deny my own part in the happenings. If I had been less foreboding to my own son, perhaps he would not have been afraid of coming to me with the problem. Maybe if I weren't such a heartless bastard we all would have spent the past twelve years differently."

Phina is staring at him in awe. She can't believe he is claiming blame not just for her pain over the abortion but for his actions before hand. Had Christian's parenting been at fault for part of the tragic happenings so long ago? She shakes her head, just like his son, the elder Mr. Grey is trying to take part of the blame, keeping it off of her slender shoulders, where it belongs. Shooting to her feet she yells at him. "Stop this! It wasn't Teddy's fault, it wasn't your fault! I wanted it, I did it, ME! ME! ME!" she is leaning across his wide desk, shouting in his face and panting. "You have punished him and ostracized him, made him an outcast in his own family! I am the one who should be punished! I am the one everyone should hate!" Hot tears blaze salty paths over her cheeks.

The emotions are pouring out of her, pent up rage. Anger at herself, at Christian, at the world. Feelings she has spent a lifetime holding in. the damn has burst and there is no stopping the flood that washes over her. Christian patiently waits for her screaming to subside, until the young woman is reduced to a bundle of shaking and sobbing girl. He rounds his desk and pulls her against his chest, stroking her blue hair and making soothing shushing noises.

When she is still in his arms he presses a kiss to the top of her head and says. "Oh baby you were punished. I think that the abortion and the past twelve years of self-torture were more than enough punishment. You didn't deserve what happened, anymore than Teddy deserved it. I did what I thought was best for us all. It might have been wrong, but it is done now and we have to move on. The living must remember the dead and continue to live our lives, otherwise we might as well all just lay in the dirt and wait for the end."

He is gently rocking her in his embrace, running his big hands up and down her back soothing her the way he would with his own daughters. He has loved Phina as a daughter for her entire life, and no mistake, no matter how big, could even diminish that love. He thinks of his son, how his chest had swelled with love and pride that first time the boy was laid in his arms. There had been so much love in his heart for his only son that day, and every day since, Christian was surprised that his heart hadn't exploded from the overload of affection he had for his children.

**Christian lifts his **eyes and his gray gaze locks with Ted's blue ones. He knows now how wrong he had been to keep away from Teddy for a those years. He moves Phina into his right arm and opens his left for his son. Ted doesn't hesitate, he doesn't complain that he is to old or manly to accept a hug from his old man. He walks into the room, wraps on arm around Phina and the other around his father. The three stand together, locked in the bittersweet embrace of forgiveness and love, for what feels like forever.

Finally Phina squeaks she is being squashed by the two giant men who are holding her. "I can't breath." She rasps. They let her go, each pressing a kiss to her head. When she backs away she is shocked to see that they each have an arm around the other, and Christian Grey is crying.

"I love you son." he says to Teddy who gives his father another fierce hug.

Before pulling away he whispers, "I love you too, dad."

There is a strange noise coming from the door of the office. All three spin to see Ana Grey standing in the entry way, clapping. She too has been crying. "My Grey men, I am so proud of you!" she throws herself into her husband's arms, sure that he will catch her. Christian doesn't let her fall. He scoops his wife into his arms and heads for the door.

"I'm calling a meeting for five tonight at the Taylor's. I'll have everyone there, so don't be late." He calls over his shoulder whilst whisking Ana away, presumably to their bedroom where they too will get over their recent fight.


	16. Chapter 16

**Phina is standing **in the middle of Mr. Grey's recently emptied office. Teddy's sharp blue eyes are watching her intently. _Maybe he thinks she will run again. _When her big dark eyes finally rise to meet his, his gaze scalds her. She can't force her feet to move away from him as he stalks towards her, though she desperately wants to run. Her treacherous arms lift of their own accord to wind around his neck.

Teddy dips his head and brushes his lips over hers. When she presses up on tip toe in an attempt to deepen the kiss he backs off. "I. Love. You." he says each word separately, ensuring that she gets his meaning and knows what he is asking for in return.

Phina doesn't have to stop to think first, she simply lets the words that have been on the tip of her tongue for twelve years roll out and steal his heart. "And I love you." Ted's head drops back down and he devours her mouth in kiss that leaves both their heads spinning.

"Don't you ever run off on me again." He chides in a rough voice when she breaks their kiss to catch her breath.

She kisses her way along his jaw, down his neck, to the open collar of his pale blue shirt. "Now you know how I felt." she says between kisses.

Her sweet kisses have clouded his head. "I didn't leave, you did. I woke up alone, and I didn't like it. I never want to wake up without you in my bed again."

Phina doesn't bring up his leaving her alone to wallow in pain for twelve years... vowing to herself that after the family meeting tonight, they'll talk about it, she will let that go and they need never discuss it again. "We have jobs Teddy, the week is almost over and then I have to go back to work." Teddy steps back, holding her shoulders and looking down into her face.

"The hell you do! I just got you back, I'm never letting you go again!" Phina wants to laugh at his old fashioned possessiveness. Most women, his mother included, fought daily against such testosterone driven bossiness. Phina reveled in it. She has waited her entire life for Teddy to reciprocate her feelings and isn't about to rebuff him now.

She doesn't say anything about his declaration of his presumed right to tell her what to do. Phina smiles and reaches for him again. When he hesitates she gives him a coy smile. "Let's not fight, please." He lets her press back up against his body and wrap her arms around his waist. She nuzzles his chest and whispers. "I just want to be with you."

There is no resistance left in him, Ted cradles her close to himself. He doesn't want to fight with her ever again, lord knows that isn't going to happen, but he wishes it could be that way. If there is anything he learned from his parents relationship is that it doesn't matter who wins the battle... true love will always win the war.

**The Taylor's living **room has always seemed like such a welcoming pace. Gail had decorated it in a cool pale mint with white accessories that had imperviously made it seem like sugary sweet place to gather for game night and family meetings. Not the green walls fell like they are closing in on Phina as her entire family, everyone who had ever meant anything to her, sit with their eyes locked on her. They are expectantly waiting for the important announcement that she'd rather keep to herself right now.

Mr. and Mrs. Grey are sitting close by, offering moral support and encouragement. Teddy's hand squeezes hers, a silent reminder that the longer she waits the worse it will be. She has already waited twelve years to long to bare her soul to them.

"Phina sweetie?" her mother looks concerned. After all Phina makes her living standing in front of people, she shouldn't be shaking before the people who are supposed to love her unconditionally.

"Ahhh..." She stars hesitantly, eyes searching their faces for some clue as to how she should start this. Their impatient expressions aren't helping. "I...I have something I need to tell you all about."

"We already guessed that you're dating Ted, so if that is it you can stop sweating like a pig." Ella calls out from her spot in the back of the room. She and Phoebe are lounging in beanbag chairs, taking their usual stance about family meetings _'this doesn't concern us'._

Teddy brings their clasped hands up to his mouth and kisses her knuckles. "That's not it, brat." he tells his sister, smiling into Phina's worried eyes. "We don't need your permission to date." Phina has to look away from his loving gaze before she loses her nerve and relinquishes to his request that he be the one to explain about their past to their families.

Sophie, who is curled up in an armchair snuggling a striped throw pillow, looks at her sister. "Phina? What is wrong?" despite everything they have been through together they are still sisters. Sophie would think that Phina finally getting the man of her dreams would wipe the dark spot off her sister's soul. Apparently there was something more than Teddy marring Phina's moods.

Christian, seeing that the poor girl is about to collapse from the stress of the situation, moves to stand beside her. He was the adult in the situation after all, it should be him who speaks to her father about it. Phina shakes her head at him and looks into her fathers eyes. With one last deep breath she addresses him.

"Daddy, when I was thirteen years old I blackmailed Teddy into having sex with me." Her voice is calm even thought her insides are rioting.

"What?" Jason roars, leaping to his feet.

"I got pregnant." she continues, trying not to flinch at the look of betrayal on the faces of her parents. Jason is clenching and unclenching his fists, his breathing is heavy and he is glaring at Ted. "Mr. Grey paid for my abortion." she doesn't tell her father that Christian insisted on it. Phina doesn't want to be the cause of the end of a thirty five year friendship between her father and Christian.

"I'm going to fucking kill you!" he bellows, charging toward the two Grey men who hold their ground.

"No!" Phina throws herself into his path. Her mother is sobbing, Ana moves to comfort her but Gail shrinks away. Ella, Sophie, and Phoebe are outraged, shouting questions and demanding answers...no one responds to them.

"Get out of my way!" he growls at his younger child. His eyes are cold when he looks down at her. Phina's heart begins to break all over again. He is looking at her as if he has never seen her before.

"Don't blame them, Daddy..." she had told herself that she was done crying. Promised herself that she wasn't going to cry when her father rejected her. But the truth was, she has been praying that he was going to understand that this has been the source of her pain, take her into his arms, and tell her she was still his baby. "It was my fault." her voice is hardly a whisper, but it is all she can manage under his scrutinizing glare.

"The hell it was!" Teddy grabs her, he and Christian shove her behind them. Neither are able to bear witness to what Jason is doing to his daughter. "Sir, it was my fault and if you want to beat the ever living shit out of me, I understand. I won't defend myself."

"Fuck that." Christian pushes his son towards Phina, who is crying and shaking. "Comfort your woman son." He whispers in Ted's ear. "If you have to beat anyone, it should be me." The two men are standing in the middle of the living room, their anger is like a living entity filling the already crowded space.

Teddy has Phina clutched to his chest, rubbing his hands up and down her back and murmuring in her ear how much he loves her. "Everything is going to be OK baby. We're gonna get through this. It's you and me now, nothing is ever going to separate us again." She has her fists full of his shirt, clinging to him for dear life.

Jason reaches around Christian, grasping Phina by the arm and jerking her to his side. "Get your filthy hands off her Grey!"

"Daddy no!" Her arms out, extended towards Teddy. He is her life line in this, her port in the storm.

"Stop it!" blinded by his anger Jason shakes Phina violently. Her teeth knock together and she cries out in pain from his too tight grasp.

"Let go of her!" Ted is there, prying her father's fingers from her arm.

"You bastard!" Jason's balled fist connects with Teddy's jaw and he crashes to the floor, taking Phina with him. She lands on top of him, her own elbow digging into his stomach as she tries to catch herself.

"Teddy, baby, are you alright?" She runs her hands over his back, checking if he landed on anything sharp. His nose is bleeding and he pinches it.

"I deserve it." He tells her in all solemnity.

"Damn right you do!" Jason's fists are still poised to deliver another blow, ready for Teddy to stand back up and receive his beating.

"Keep your God damn hands off my boy!" Christian roars, turning Jason to face him.

"You're next Grey!" Ana shrieks when Jason throws a punch towards Christian. The two older men may both be past their prime, but they are both in peak condition for their ages and have both been trained in hand to hand combat. Christian ducks and Jason's fist misses.

"STOP! Stop this!" Gail's voice cuts through the noise of the other women who are crying and yelling. Her husband turns to her, fists at his side, chest heaving. Gail's normally prim and perfect looks have been disheveled. Her hair is sticking up and mascara is running down her cheeks.

"Jason?" she searched his face for a trace of the loving kind man she married. In his rage filled haze he doesn't resemble the father of her daughter, the man she married thirty years ago. She can't blame him for being upset. Their daughter's revelation has shocked her to the core. But she has been watching the girl through all this drama and she has clung to Teddy like he is her life.

"Stay out of this Gail." he isn't her gentle lover right now, he is the ex-Army, body guard, who is defending his family's honor.

"Look at her Jason." She lays a hand on his chest. "Look at your daughter." She prods. Have you ever seen her look at anyone the way she is looking at him? Phina is on the floor, applying pressure to Teddy's nose with his discarded shirt. Her big brown eyes, so like her mothers, are full of concern and care as she assists the man she defended against her own father.

Jason has to tear his eyes away from his daughter and her over to hold on to his anger. "They hid this from us" his voice is low and menacing. His haze eyes glare over his wife's head at Christian who is comforting his own distraught wife.

"And it was wrong. You have every right to be angry, but it is long since past. There is no need for this violence." Jason runs a finger down the side of her beloved face. Gail, his sanity. The woman who has taught him about second chances, who has given him his own second chance. She has been the voice of reason for him on more than one occasion and their thirty year marriage has taught him that she always knows best.

Heaving a sigh he looks back at his old friend. "I can never forgive you for this." He no longer wants to rip the man's head off, but he can't stand the thought of continuing to work for him. Christian nods his understanding. "Consider this our two weeks notice."

"I'm sorry that it has to be this way." Christian is back to being the refined and proper Mr. Grey.

"We'll be gone at the end of two weeks and I never want to hear from you again."

"I'll have your final checks ready then."

"Now get the hell out of my house." No one points out that the house technically belongs to Christian. Ana and he leave silently. Phina doesn't look at her father as she leads a still bleeding Teddy out the door, followed by Teddy's sisters.

Jason collapses onto the couch, his wife cradled in his arms. Sophie curls up on the side of him and he wraps an arm around her too. "I can't believe it." she whispers, looking up into her father's face. He presses a kiss to the side of her head and cuddles what remains of his family close to him.

"Don't you ever betray me." It is an edict that the two women in his embrace nod their agreement to. They all feel betrayed, and lord knows when the pain will ease or if this wound will ever heal... till then, they have each other.


	17. Chapter 17

**Six months later...**

**Phina's backstage dressing** room at the New York Pepsi arena is bursting with hair dressers, makeup artists, costume designers, and her new manager. The noise is nearly deafening. She has spent the last hour allowing them to primp and prime her for the big concert. Tonight is the debut show for her newest album _'Hating Love'_.

She is seated in front of the large makeup mirror staring at herself and ignoring the hustle of people around her. The woman in the reflection definitely doesn't look like she hates love. In fact, Phina looks more radiant, alive, and happy than she ever had in the past.

Even under pounds of pasty white concealer and shimmering powder, there is no mistaking Phina's healthy glow and sweet blush. Her band, back up dancers, and even the stage hands had a noticed the changes in her demeanor when she returned from her trip to her parents house. She'd spent a lot of time crying at first...something not entirely strange for her. Then a man had shown up at the recording studio with flowers.

**She and Teddy**had clung to each other for a long time after the scene in her parents' living room. Each needing the reassurance that the past that had hung over their heads like the sharpened blade of a guillotine was really and truly gone now. The blow had been struck, her family is angry, and his sisters are hurt, but they were still together. Nothing was ever going to tear them apart again.

Until Saturday night rolled around and Phina started packing. "What are you doing? Trying to see how many suitcases you need to pack all your things?" She had moved her stuff from her parents' now vacant home on the Grey property to Ted's log cabin. They spent their days exploring Seattle together, and their nights burning up his sheets. It had been the best few days of her life (sans argument).

"I'm getting ready for my triumphant return to the recording studio on Monday." She stood from packing her last bag and rubbed the back or her neck. "God, it's gonna be a long flight back to New York."

"Phina, I thought we talked about this. You're not going back to work, as a singer, as a pop star, as anything. I have more than enough money to support you." Phina huffed out a breath and rolled her eyes.

"Yes I know, you big man me little lady." she grunted at him. "This little lady lives in the spot light, and has an air tight contract with _Flimsy Records _for two more years." she could see the hurt and frustration in his eyes. Taking a step towards him she splayed her hands over his chest and looks up into those soulful blue eyes.

"This doesn't mean the end of our relationship. We have enough money to travel back and forth for visits regularly. We'll do our best and if things have progressed to more by the time my contract is up than I won't sign back on." That hadn't been the end of the argument. Teddy had begged and pleaded until he was blue in the face.

He'd tried every tacit he could think of until they were standing at the gate and she was handing over her boarding pass. "Fine!" He screamed at her as she walked down the gangplank. "If that's all this week has meant to you than we are through!" he regretted the words the moment they left his lips. He didn't ever want to be separated from Phina, not even for a few moments, and there she was walking away as if he meant nothing to her.

Teddy couldn't fathom how deeply his words cut her. Phina had cried through the entire flight back to New York. She didn't notice that the guy in the seat next to hers was a well dressed extremely handsome business man, who must have real money since he was flying first class. She just grunted out a "Thanks," when he handed over a neatly pressed monogrammed handkerchief and blew her nose noisily into it.

She'd spent her first few days back in New York in terrible semblance of her former routine. Get up, work on songs all day at studio without a break for food, go home, curl up into ball and cry. It was days before her new manager realized that she wasn't eating. Phil had been at the top of Sophie's list of possible replacements. Phina had called him and informed him that he was her new manager the day she got back to New York. He seemed like a nice enough guy, but there was nothing he could do to force her to eat.

The record company, the band, and the staff at the studio noticed that there was a huge shift in Phina's song style. The normally dulcet tones and sad tunes of self loathing had turned to fast paced songs about hating very one who hated her. The songs were amazing, which wasn't a surprise, just alarmingly different.

People were beginning to worry, not that they hadn't always been concerned, before their fear had been of her hurting herself. Now it seemed like she wanted to hurt other people as well. Just when they were discussing contacting her therapist, whom she spoke to either in person or on the phone on a regular basis, he appeared.

Phina and the band were sitting on a comfy couch discussing things like key change and pitch for the newest song, _'you can't make me love you', _there was a call for her from the front desk. The receptionist informed Phina that there was an extremely handsome man in the lobby insisting that he was her boyfriend.

This had happened many times in the past, normally the guy was taken away by security and the indecent swept under the rug or laughed about. The cute blond, who was new to the job, insisted that this was not the normal crazed fan boy, thought he was carrying a bunch of dandelions. "He's in a tailored suit, and looks like a million bucks.' She informed the confounded pop star.

"Did you happen to get his name?" It seemed like a pretty important piece of information to Phina.

"Hold on, I'll ask." the girl, Amy, put the phone down on her desk. A moment passes and the phone was picked back up but it wasn't Amy who spoke.

"Phina it's me." Teddy sighed into the phone. "Will you please tell them to let me up?" His voice dropped to a sultry whisper, "I need to hold you."

"Put Amy back on the phone." she told him and he did as she asked.

"So is he your boyfriend for real? Cuz if not I'm going for him." she informed Phina.

"He's my ex, tell security to be gentle when they escort him off the property." She was about to hang up when she added. "I'll give you his number later."

The ex comment wounded Teddy's pride, and no amount of flirting from the twit behind the reception desk was going to make it better. As per Phina's wishes he was simply asked to leave the property and led back to his rental car in the parking structure. Where he paced a few calls, downloaded a new app on his phone, and got ready to play Phina's game of cat and mouse.

It didn't take him long at all to catch up with his elusive little mouse, he was waiting for her when she got home. The squeal of surprise she gave after she stripped down to her bra and panties before turning to find him sitting on her bed nearly deafened him. He pounced, pulling her to him and stopping her shouts for her body guard by covering her mouth with his.

"Shhh," he whispered against her firmly closed mouth. She didn't respond to his kisses with her usual sweet moans and little mewing sounds, but she didn't bite his lips off either. "I'm sorry I scared you." he pressed his forehead to hers and looked deep into her eyes. "I am sorry for so much more than that baby. I need to be with you, I want you back."

Teddy wrapped her in his strong arms, hoping against all else that she would melt into his embrace and tell him she was sorry to. No such luck. She held herself stiffly away from him and glared up at him from under her dark lashes. "You broke up with me" her voice is cod and angry.

"I didn't mean it baby, I was just hurt and mad... not a good combination for me." She tried to move out of his hold but he held tighter.

"How many times do you think I'm going to deal with this roller coaster of emotions? I don't think I can survive another one of our bipolar experiences, you bring me up so high just to drop me back down. It's killing me!" she tried to escape his arms again and he let her.

The tears in her sweet dark eyes mirror those in his own. "I don't think either of us can deal with another painful separation." He admitted.

"So that's it? We're over?"

"Like hell!" he roared making her flinch. He notices her reaction to his shouting and moderated his voice. "We'll both be fine, because we will simply never be separated again."

"You can't promise that, there are no guaranties in life. And what's to say that the next time I do something you don't like you won't tell me to take a hike again?" She has her arms crossed under her chest, forcing her breast together and upwards. Teddy wants to rip the bra from her body and taste her flesh, all over.

"There is one way to make sure we will never separate again baby, we're going to get married." Her shocked gasp forces her back a step and she trips over her own clothes that she had left in a heap on the floor. Teddy moved in a flash and catches her, landing on the floor beside her with his hand cradling the back of her head. He shifted his weight over her slender body and presses himself lengthwise against her. "Say yes Phina."

She shook her head, looking up at him with a mixture of confusion and laughter in her gaze. "Your solution to our breaking up is marriage?" she was incredulous. He nodded emphatically. "You are insane, do you know that?" He nodded again. Phina's arms wound around his neck and she delivered one of her heart stopping slimes. "I'm not ready for marriage yet Teddy."

"Than say you'll be with me, say you'll give us another chance. Please." Without warning he leaped to his feet and made a mad dash for the tiny vase he'd set on her bedside table. Phina lifted up onto her elbows when as he came back to kneel beside her. He presented her with a bouquet of wilted yellow flowers.

"Dandelions?" She sat up to look more closely at the weeds. "Your idea of apology flowers isn't a dozen long steamed roses, but dandelions?"

"When we were young you and my sisters used to pick these, and those little wild violets, by the heaps. You always brought me handfuls of them and waited with this big expectant grin on your face for my reaction. I thought it was the dumbest thing in the world, to pick weeds, but you loved them so I gave you a big hug and a kiss on the cheek when I accepted them." He was the one grinning now, hoping her acceptance of his gesture would be something more than hug and peck.

"Oh Teddy, you're such a big softie!"

**Six moths later **and Phina still smiles to herself whenever she thinks about that night. Teddy'd had to leave early the next morning to return to his firm. The met up every few weeks, with Teddy holding a handful of wilting yellow flowers and wearing a big smile. Their relationship has seemed to blossom into something more mature and passionate than either of them ever expected, it's wonderful!

Phina frowns now when she looks down at the little stick she is holding in her lap. She had escaped the crowd into her private bathroom for all of two seconds before they had started calling her name again; just long enough to pee on the pregnancy test that was now starting to turn an ominous shade of positive blue.


	18. Chapter 18

**The concert was** a disaster! Phina is bashing herself for the less than stellar performance she had stumbled through. Making a mental note to never take pregnancy tests before major concerts. She is sitting on a couch in the VIP lounge and wishing she were any ware else when some one sidles up to her. She knows she should remember his name but it just doesn't seem important enough right now to bother. "I hear you are having a bad night." He doesn't sound particularly concerned for her.

"You don't have to gloat about it." She says offhandedly, while eying the back of her bodyguards head. If Tim would just turn around she could give him the signal that could extract her from this situation.

"I did a concert on the other side of New York the other night, but it went fine...I didn't fall. Was the stage uneven? Perhaps you should speak with your crew." Phina is afraid that if the unwelcome visitor doesn't take a hike soon she will say something that might end up the head line of a tabloid. "You seem tense, let me get you a drink." He raised his hand to signal a server and ordered her an alcoholic beverage she sorely wished she could actually drink.

Damn that positive pregnancy test! Phina accepts the fruity cocktail and sets it on the table beside her. The guy, who she is sure is waiting for hr to call him by name and sing his praises, smiles expectantly. All she can mange is a timid smile that he takes as flirtation. "I have always admired you, do you know that?" He picks her hand up off the couch and holds it between his two large hands. "You are such a strong brave girl, working hard to raise in the ranks of what should be a man's industry,"

the audacity! The scoundrel believes he is complimenting her when all Phina wants to do is slap his arrogant face. "Really?" She bats her lashes at him. "Do you truly like me?" He nods. "Because I can't seem to recall your name. In fact I haven't bothered to attempt to remember who you are in the last few moments you have been sitting here bugging me because that would be to much of a bother. Now I would be much obliged if you'd take your self off to harass some other woman."

the look of outrage on his usually handsome face is priceless. She wishes she has a camera, or even her cell phone, to snap a picture. That would be something for the press to print! Watching him stomp away she is cackling with evil laughter. Getting an odd sort of delight in his discomfort, if she has to suffer... so did every one else.

"I remember what it is like to be on the wrong side of your caustic tong." A deep male voice purrs in her ear.

"Teddy!" Phina spins in her seat, climbs the back of the couch and is in his arms before he can say another word. She hadn't realized how much she needed to hear his voice and feel his strong arms around her until that moment. He wasn't supposed to be here of course, he'd had an important meeting with a famous client that he couldn't miss. She doesn't ask how or why he is here, just clings to him like one of those Velcro monkeys, arms and legs wrapped about him.

"I missed you too." One of his big hands is holding her bottom up while her strokes her hair with the other. "I heard you were having a bad day." at least Teddy has the decency to sound concerned, he is twice the man whats his face is. Her face is buried in the crook of his neck and her answer is to muffled for him to understand. "What was that?"

She pulls back enough to look at his beloved face. "I need you." She declares, planting her face back in his neck and kissing the skin there.

"Tim?" The body guard turns his attention away from the flirtatious blond who has been pouting her Botox injected lips at him. The moment he sees Phina wrapped in her lover's arms he knows something is wrong. The strong independent woman has always hated showing weakness of any kind in at all, never mind in public. "we need to leave, clear a path."

The burly man doesn't hesitate, he leads them from the club, trying to block the crowds view of the vulnerable woman who refuses to release her death grip on Teddy.

**She needs him!** Teddy is the very air she breaths. She is stuck to him as if they had somehow been glued together through the ride to her apartment. Teddy, sensing her desperate need, carries her home and is lay with her on the bed. It takes nearly and hour for her panting, heaving breaths to slow and her grip to loosen. "There now," he coos, still stroking her hair and back. "Feeling better?"

Phina nods and pulls back a bit, wanting to give him room. She is a to aware that a clingy, needy female often drives men away instead of pulling them closer. "It was a really bad day." She tells him, wiping at the tears that has slid down her face.

"You don't have to explain baby, I like holding you." He presses a kiss to her forehead.

"I need a shower." Phina looks down at the rumpled outfit that she had worn almost all night. Even thought there are three costume changes in her new act she had still managed to work up a sweat, and hadn't had any inclination to change after the show.

"You get naked, I'll start the water." Teddy rolls from the bed, happy to do anything for his woman that would get her out of the funk she had fallen into. Phina starts pulling at the many straps, belts, and buckles that fasten her dress and hold it tight against her body. "Holy shit!" Teddy's exclamation wasn't entirely unexpected, she'd failed to warn him about her decor.

"problem?" she asks. She is still fighting with a stubborn buckle as she enters the room. The floor, toilet, and sink are a pure white. In fact every thing is white with the exception of...

"It looks like a bloody murder scene in here!" the shower curtain, bath mat and towels all look as if they have been spattered with blood. One bright red hand print is pressed to the back of the door. Phina looks around and shrugs.

"I thought it was incredibly witty at the time." It feels normal to be speaking with Teddy again, just the two of them discussing her lack of intellect when it comes to interior design.

He takes another look around the room and nods. "It is creative and funny." she is standing beside him, looking up at his handsome face and studying his expression. Teddy p;aces a kiss on her cute little nose. "If you like it then I do to. I love you."

"Don't patronize me." Her kissable lips turn down in a pout. Teddy can't resist her sweet mouth.

"Now why would I do that?" His nimble fingers quickly undo the last of the straps and her dress falls to the floor.

"Because you want to get into my pants?" She suggests, her reply a breathy whisper.

"Surely I don't have to lie to you for that..." His clever mouth is driving her to distraction. He nibbled her earlobe, pulling it into his mouth and sucking before moving on to leave a trail of wet kisses along her neck.

"Teddy, don't; I stink." Phina's feeble attempt to stop him fall on def ears as he finds the sensitive spot where her neck and shoulder meet. Her hands fly up to cradle the back of his head and press him closer. A shiver runs through her body.

"Right there baby? Oh yes, you like that." He mumbles against her neck when she shudders in his arms again. He takes a step, pushing her back towards the spray of the shower.

Phina presses a hand to his chest and takes another step back. "Your still dressed." Teddy growls something about useless clothing and pulls his stylish suit from his body in record time. Phina giggles as he hops on first one foot and then the other to pull off his socks and shoes.

"It's not funny." He grumbles. When he is finally naked he is standing before her, hands on hips with a stern expression on his face. Phina laughs again. "Are you laughing at my exquisitely formed male figure miss Taylor?" The silly grin on her face slowly changes to a sultry smile as her eyes travel from his handsome face to examine the rest of him.

His broad solders are enough to give any woman heart palpitations. His thick strong arms that cradle her so tenderly are bulging with corded muscles. His chest and abs are well defines, Phina can't help but think she could do laundry on his abs, or use his stomach for an ironing board. A trail of fine hair leads down to his slim hips, narrow waist, and large cock.

When she see his huge throbbing member her pretty dark eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets. They had been making love for the past six months, yet the sight of him tonight stills the air in her lungs and quickens the pace of her already racing heart. "Teddy..." She can hardy draw the breath she needs to speak his name. "I need you, NOW."

her whispered words are enough to propel him forward. Before she knows it he has swept her into his arms. With one large step he has her back plastered against the shower wall. Phina is clinging to him again, fingers tunneling through the thick wet strands of his hair, legs wrapped around the hips she had been admiring. Their mouths meet in a wild, hungry kiss that leaves them both breathless and hungry for more.

"Phina!" Teddy gasps when her nails rake across his back, trying to pull herself closer to him.

"Now Teddy, please." She begs. With his hands on her hips Teddy raises her up, until the tip of his dick slides into the well of her vagina. With a single upward thrust from him, whilst he pulls her back down to meet him they are joined together. "Yes!" She tilts her head back and lets him do all the work, rocking his hips back and forth and lifting her up and down to meet him.

"That's it baby!" he pants into her ear.

"No." She squirms in his arms and unwinds her legs. Confused he stops and lets her side down his body. Phina pulls away from him and the come uncoupled with a wet pop. She gives him a coy little smile before turning around and bending over. "Like this." She purrs over her shoulder. Understanding blossoms and Teddy re-enters her from behind. "God yeah, that's good." She grunts, pushing her hips back into his hard thrusts.

"Don't stop baby!" he pumps harder and faster, locking them together in a intimate dance they revel in. "almost there baby...I'm...almost...THERE!" He bellows.

"TEDDY!" her answering scream comes right onto of her climax.

** Phina straightens herself, **with Teddy still buried deep inside her. He ducks his head and licks a few drops of salty water from her dewy skin. "God I love you." he tells her. His hands are moving up and down her sides. He reaches around and cups her breast, his hands move back down over her still flat belly. She stiffens in his arms, before his hands move back down to fondle her clitoris.

Phina wonders if she should tell him about the positive pregnancy test. Now, after a bout of passion filled sex, on the heels of his whispered words of love, would be the perfect time to tell him. "Teddy, I..."' The confession dies in her throat. She is paralyzed with fear. What if this isn't what he wants? How can she become the mother of his child after all that has happened? Even if Ted stands by her this time, how will she be able to admit this to her parents?

"Whats the matter baby?" He lets his now soft cock slip from her warm wet channel. He turns her in his arms and pus her into his embrace. "Saraphina...tell me."

"It's nothing." she forces a smile and returns his hug, nuzzling his neck and pressing kisses over his shoulders and chest. "it's just that... I need you, again." Teddy's eyes are lit from within, with the unholy gleam of lust. His now limp member hardening again.


End file.
